Nation Boards Up Windows, Retreats To Cellar As Lena Dunham Reenters News Cycle
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Springing into action to save what it could, the U.S. populace reportedly got to work this week boarding…
Category: The Onion
The Onion Cultural Standard: Real Housewives of Atlanta
Read MoreThe OnionThe post The Onion Cultural Standard: Real Housewives of Atlanta appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated…
Beetle Infestation Threatens Hungary’s Oldest Library
Read MoreThe OnionHungary’s 1,000‑year‑old Pannonhalma Archabbey is scrambling to disinfect and preserve tens of thousands of historic books from a…
White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In a stunning security breach that reportedly left many top-ranking administration officials vulnerable to attack, the White House…
Artist Profile: Haim
Read MoreThe OnionHaim will begin touring this fall to promote I Quit, their fourth studio album. The Onion shares everything…
The Onion Film Standard: ‘28 Years Later’
Read MoreThe OnionThe post The Onion Film Standard: ‘28 Years Later’ appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical…
Pros And Cons Of Defunding Medicaid
Read MoreThe OnionGOP lawmakers in the House and Senate officially passed Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill,” including provisions that slashed funding…
Elon Musk Weeps, For There Are No More Women To Impregnate
Read MoreThe OnionAUSTIN, TX—Realizing that every uterus had already been conquered, Tesla CEO Elon Musk reportedly wept Wednesday, for there…
Trump Orders His Face Added To The Pep Boys Logo
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Insisting that he deserved a place alongside the iconic visages of the auto supply company’s founders, President Donald…
Insecure Woman Doesn’t Like Eating In Front Of Surveillance State
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Attributing her behavior to insecurity about the government, local woman Kirsten Sears told reporters Monday that she…