White House Evaluates Smithsonian For Alignment With Trump
Read MoreThe OnionThe White House ordered a sweeping review of Smithsonian museum exhibits to ensure alignment with President Trump’s vision…
Category: The Onion
Sam Altman Places Gun To Head After New GPT Claims Dogs Are Crustaceans For 60th Time
Read MoreThe OnionSAN FRANCISCO—Thumbing back the pistol’s hammer as his dreams for the future were dashed before his eyes, OpenAI…
Pirates Under Fire For Directly Marketing Team To Children
Read MoreThe OnionPITTSBURGH—Detailing the harmful, long-term effects of early exposure to the ball club’s dismal on-field product, parents and child…
What To Know About ‘Weapons’
Read MoreThe OnionWeapons, a new horror film from the director of Barbarian, topped the box office on its opening weekend.…
Poll Finds Americans Still Believe Greatest Threat To Public Health The Undertaker
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Shedding new light on the widespread dissemination of misinformation, the Pew Research Center released a new poll Friday…
DHS Offers $1,000 Stipend To Migrants Who Voluntarily Self-Destruct
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an ambitious new effort targeting undocumented immigrants, the Department of Homeland Security announced this week that it would begin offering a…
Frito-Lay CEO Gifts Trump Gold Funyun
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In a gesture many critics have decried as yet another blatant bribe to secure favorable regulatory treatment, Frito-Lay CEO Steven…
RFK Jr. Mandates All Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Claiming the luminous potion would make the nation strong and vigorous, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F.…
Artist Profile: Alex Warren
Read MoreThe OnionAlex Warren’s “Ordinary” has held the number one spot on the Billboard Hot 100 for the ninth week…
Danish Zoo Asks For Donated Pets To Feed To Carnivores
Read MoreThe OnionA zoo in northern Denmark asked pet owners to donate healthy animals such as chickens, rabbits, guinea pigs,…