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Tag: Faces

Logan Paul Spends $5.3 Million on a Card Because Adulting Was Too Easy
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Logan Paul Spends $5.3 Million on a Card Because Adulting Was Too Easy

Big ElephantDecember 25, 2025December 25, 2025

Logan Paul and Ken Goldin’s “King of Collectibles” is the latest leftist plot to brainwash America’s youth into loving overpriced…

Residents of Pennsylvania nursing home discover new escape route—thanks to a surprise explosion, authorities confirm
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Residents of Pennsylvania nursing home discover new escape route—thanks to a surprise explosion, authorities confirm

Big ElephantDecember 23, 2025December 23, 2025

Ambulance Chasers and Climate Alarmists Rejoice: Pennsylvania Nursing Home Fire Sparks Latest Leftist Propaganda Campaign BREAKING: The radical left’s favorite…

Review: Red Sonja – “a fun-enough, bucket of popcorn watch” – because apparently we still pay to see bad CGI and worse dialogue
Breaking, Movie News

Review: Red Sonja – “a fun-enough, bucket of popcorn watch” – because apparently we still pay to see bad CGI and worse dialogue

FinnDecember 21, 2025December 21, 2025

Prepare yourself for the cinematic masterpiece that’s about to shatter your expectations into a million glittering shards of disappointment and…

Wuthering Waves 3.0: Riding the Wind and Our Last Nerves with Lahai-Roi’s New Motorbike Madness
Breaking, Games News

Wuthering Waves 3.0: Riding the Wind and Our Last Nerves with Lahai-Roi’s New Motorbike Madness

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 21, 2025December 21, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Free-to-Play Game Adds Motorbike, World Explodes With Joy (And Probably Microtransactions) 🚨 So there I was, in sunny…

Live

When Your Kid Might Be Getting Molested, Here’s How to Panic Properly

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 20, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Trauma Support Webinar for Adults Who Can’t Handle Their Kids Being Molested—Because Apparently We Need a PowerPoint for That…

Warner Bros. Discovery Slams Paramount’s Desperate Offer—Apparently “Lowball” Is Not a Negotiation Strategy
Breaking, Movie News

Warner Bros. Discovery Slams Paramount’s Desperate Offer—Apparently “Lowball” Is Not a Negotiation Strategy

FinnDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

The media landscape is a circus, and this week’s main attraction involves a very serious boardroom battle between two entertainment…

OCN NI Quality Assurance Training: Because Even Trolls Need Certificates
Live

OCN NI Quality Assurance Training: Because Even Trolls Need Certificates

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 17, 2025

Calling all wannabe quality police! 🕵️‍♂️ OCN NI is offering FREE training to become an Internal Quality Assurer – because…

Live

Motivational Interviewing – How to Gaslight People Into Being Better (12-17-25) VIRTUAL

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 14, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Ohio’s State-Sponsored Motivational Interviewing Class Now Accepting Applications from the Slightly Curious (But Not Too Curious—We’re Watching You)🚨 📅…

Brian Walske Jr. vs. The Garbage Bag of Justice: Why the Jury Might Settle for Lesser Homicide Because Apparently First-Degree Is Too Much Work
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Brian Walske Jr. vs. The Garbage Bag of Justice: Why the Jury Might Settle for Lesser Homicide Because Apparently First-Degree Is Too Much Work

Big ElephantDecember 14, 2025December 14, 2025

Massachusetts Man Faces Murder Charges in Wife’s Disappearance Amid Claims of Lying and Body Disposal In a bizarre twist that…

Live

LIFE Public Run 2pm Sat 24.1.26

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 13, 2025

🚨 ATTENTION HUMANS! 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️ Join our 4-hour “How to Not Die” workshop! 😵‍💫 Learn to spot suicidal signs & connect…

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Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Trump administration creates ‘incubators’ to develop new tech to counter drone terror attacks:
  • NEW TRANSMISSION Trumps NIH chief proposes pandemic playbook and vaccine injury reforms
  • Cracker Barrel Infighting Exposed As Own Private Soap Opera
  • Washington Residents Get Free Barbecue Courtesy of Wildfire Season
  • Investors eager to throw money at Venezuela’s powder keg economy

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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