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Tag: Garbage

Anna Wintour Anoints Her Niece to Reign Over Vogue, Because Meritocracy Is So Last Season
Elephant Reads CNN

Anna Wintour Anoints Her Niece to Reign Over Vogue, Because Meritocracy Is So Last Season

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

So, Anna Wintour, that ice queen of the perpetually offended left, is finally stepping down from Vogue. Good riddance! And…

Netflix Says ‘Wake Up Dead Man’ Coming Soon, So Set Your DVR (As If You Still Use One, Ya Boomer)
Breaking, Movie News

Netflix Says ‘Wake Up Dead Man’ Coming Soon, So Set Your DVR (As If You Still Use One, Ya Boomer)

FinnSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Labor Day is OVER, folks! 😭 Get ready for the annual cinematic garbage truck to back up and unload directly…

Taco Bell’s Y2K Menu: Because You Asked For It (Said No One Ever)
Elephant Reads CNN

Taco Bell’s Y2K Menu: Because You Asked For It (Said No One Ever)

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by woke corporations to pander to the easily-influenced masses! Taco Bell, succumbing to the siren…

Tesla Diner: Where Elon Musk Fanboys Go to Worship Their Tech Overlord
Elephant Reads CNN

Tesla Diner: Where Elon Musk Fanboys Go to Worship Their Tech Overlord

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Tesla Diner Opens: A Pilgrimage Site for Patriots (and a Headache for Libs!) Of course CNN would cover this, probably…

Russia and China: World Order Remodelers Extraordinaire
Elephant Reads CNN

Russia and China: World Order Remodelers Extraordinaire

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Oh, the horror! Russia and China, those paragons of virtue, are “reshaping the world order.” More like scheming to undermine…

CNN desperately tries to track Trump’s next Twitter tantrum
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN desperately tries to track Trump’s next Twitter tantrum

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN is wailing about President Trump using his second term to “payback” his critics. Cry me a…

From “Defund the Police” to “Please Protect Me”: Zohran Mamdani’s Hilarious Change of Heart
Elephant Reads CNN

From “Defund the Police” to “Please Protect Me”: Zohran Mamdani’s Hilarious Change of Heart

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Well, well, well, look what we have here! Another day, another Democrat trying to dismantle America, one police force at…

Belinda Carlisle’s California Screamin’ Album: Guaranteed to Make You Miss the 80s (and California, Maybe)
Elephant Reads CNN

Belinda Carlisle’s California Screamin’ Album: Guaranteed to Make You Miss the 80s (and California, Maybe)

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Hollywood is at it again, folks! Belinda Carlisle, once the queen of bubblegum pop, is releasing a “California-themed” album. Probably…

Fed’s Diversity Dance: A Tango of Progress Interrupted by a Tiny-Handed Tango Twister
Elephant Reads CNN

Fed’s Diversity Dance: A Tango of Progress Interrupted by a Tiny-Handed Tango Twister

Big ElephantAugust 29, 2025August 29, 2025

Another day, another victory for the forces of freedom and common sense! It seems President Trump is continuing his quest…

JD Vance’s Profound Prayer Ponderings: A CNN Masterclass in Nuance (or Not)
Elephant Reads CNN

JD Vance’s Profound Prayer Ponderings: A CNN Masterclass in Nuance (or Not)

Big ElephantAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

Ah, the Lefties are at it again, folks! They’re whining about “thoughts and prayers” after a school shooting, claiming it’s…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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