Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A seafood plant fire in Newport, Oregon, has prompted an evacuation due to potential ammonia contamination. I mean, who doesn’t love a good seafood dinner, but not with a side of toxic fumes, right? According to local officials, the incident occurred at Pacific Seafood, and the city has set up a shelter for evacuees at Sam Case Elementary School. Because, you know, nothing says “fun” like a field trip to the local elementary school due to a hazardous materials situation.
The city update, which I’m sure was a thrilling read, stated that the evacuation is due to a potential ammonia contamination in the area from the plant. Yeah, because a little ammonia never hurt anyone… oh wait, it totally can. The update also recommended that people stay inside if they’re in Newport today, and if they must go outside, they should wear a mask. You know, just in case the ammonia decides to make a fashion statement.
Footage of the scene posted by the city on social media showed firefighters spraying the building down, because that’s exactly what you want to see when you’re trying to enjoy your morning coffee – a bunch of firefighters in hazmat suits. John Fuller, a city spokesperson, estimated that hundreds of people have been evacuated within the expanded one-mile evacuation radius surrounding the processing plant. I hope they at least got a nice view of the ocean before they had to leave.
An initial half-mile evacuation zone was in the city’s Bayfront area, which is mostly commercial and has some popular tourism areas with fewer homes. But don’t worry, it’s currently the off-season for tourists, so it’s not like they’re missing out on too much. The expanded mile radius now encompasses nearby residential areas, because who needs a quiet Sunday morning at home when you can have a potential ammonia leak, right?
The Lincoln County Sheriff’s Office said in a morning update that Level 3 evacuations are underway in a one-mile radius of the plant. Level 3, for those who don’t speak evacuation, means residents in the affected area should leave immediately. People were told to stay clear of the scene because of a possible fire, and US 20 from Harney Street West to US 101 is closed. You know, just another day in paradise.
A spokesperson for Pacific Seafood said in a statement that the company was not aware of injuries and all employees have been accounted for. Well, that’s a relief. However, the situation is still ongoing, and they’re focused on supporting emergency responders to help ensure everyone is safe. Because, you know, safety first – unless there’s a chance of a toxic leak, then it’s every man for himself.
Fire crews were still working on putting out the fire, and the cause of the fire and possible ammonia contamination are still under investigation. There are no reported injuries at this time, but I’m sure the suspense is killing everyone. Oregon resident Coby Bertalotto shared videos with CNN showing a thick cloud of billowing smoke over Newport, because who needs a filter when you can just have a real-life smoke screen?
Bertalotto described the smell outside as “rubbery,” affecting an area with several tourist attractions such as candy stores, bars, and Ripley’s Believe It or Not. Because, you know, nothing says “vacation” like a side of toxic fumes with your candy and cocktails. He said, “There are probably about three or four blocks that are just getting smoked out.” Yeah, that’s exactly what I want to hear when I’m on vacation – that the whole area is being smoked out.
Exposure to high levels of ammonia in air may cause irritation to the skin, eyes, throat, and lungs and cause coughing and burns, according to the Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry. Some people with asthma may be more sensitive, the agency said. Yeah, no kidding. I mean, who wouldn’t be sensitive to a little toxic gas?
This is a developing story, and it will be updated. Because, you know, the suspense is just killing us all. CNN’s Nic F. Anderson contributed to this report, and I’m sure they had a blast writing about the thrilling world of seafood plant fires and ammonia leaks.
In conclusion, it’s been a wild ride in Newport, Oregon, with a seafood plant fire, potential ammonia contamination, and evacuations. I mean, who needs a quiet Sunday morning when you can have all that excitement? As I finish my coffee, I’m just glad that I’m not the one who has to deal with the aftermath of this mess. And to the people of Newport, I say, well, at least you’re making the most of it – after all, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and when life gives you a toxic leak, make a really interesting news story.

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
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