OMG! 😱 Just when you thought 2025 couldn’t get any more lit 🔥, Frank Carter and those geriatric delinquents from THE SEX PISTOLS (Paul Cook, Glen Matlock, and the one and only Steve Jones) decided to pull the plug 🔌 on their North American tour! 😭 Was anyone REALLY surprised though? 🙄 Let’s be real, did anyone actually buy tickets? 🤔 I bet Ticketmaster is relieved 😌
Steve “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Alive” Jones dropped this truth bomb 💣 on social media, probably while sipping tea ☕ and reminiscing about the good ol’ days when punk actually meant something: “Yo, fam! I got some news—some good, some bad. Wanna hear the bad first? I done broke my wrist! 😫 So, no shows for you losers for a while. But hey, the doc says I’ll be shredding 🎸 again soon! Also, I’m turning 70 tomorrow! 🥳 God bless… and God save my wrist!” Seriously, dude? 70? You’re older than my grandpa! 👴
THE SEX PISTOLS (or what’s left of them) chimed in with a riveting statement: “Yeah, yeah, shows are postponed. 😴 We’ll reschedule when Steve’s fossilized wrist heals. Check your local venues and our socials for updates. Thanks for your… uh… support? 🙏” Translation: “We need the money, so we’ll be back… eventually. Maybe.” 🤷
This monumental (not) tour with Frankie boy was supposed to kick off September 16 in the cultural mecca of Dallas, Texas (LOL! 😂) and wrap up October 16 in sunny (and equally clueless) Los Angeles. 🌴 Seriously, who booked this garbage? 🗑️
Supposedly, they were going to play their one and only decent album, “Never Mind The Bollocks,” in its entirety. As if anyone cares anymore. 😴 It’s been, like, a century since that album came out. 👴👵 Maybe they should rename the tour “Never Mind the Zimmer Frames.” 🦽
When (if ever) this tour actually happens, it’ll be their first North American tour since 2003! That’s right, folks, 22 years of silence. Maybe they should have stayed that way. 🙊 Remember when Johnny Rotten was still with them? Good times. Now he’s just a butter-loving weirdo. 🧈🤪
Back in March, when this whole sham started, Frank Carter (bless his heart ❤️) told the Associated Press that “everybody needs this band right now.” Seriously? 🙄 I think what the world REALLY needs is a cure for boredom. 😴 “America is screaming out for THE SEX PISTOLS,” he said. More like screaming for better music. 🎶
Carter continued, “We’re living in a really, really difficult time. People want to be entertained, enjoy themselves. Punk is energetic. You can vent and let your hair down… hopefully in a safe manner. Fingers crossed, no bottles or pigs’ hooves.” Yeah, because THAT’S what punk is all about: safety. 🤣 And who brings pig hooves to a concert? 🐷 What is this, a medieval festival? 🎪
Apparently, when this Frank Carter-fronted Pistols tribute act debuted in 2024, some random publication called the Standard wrote that it was “unadulterated punk rock mayhem.” 🤣 More like unadulterated boredom with a side of nostalgia. And Louder described the show as “sheer joy.” Sheer delusion, more like it. They should tour it everywhere? Please, no. 🙏 God save us from this mad parade. 🤡
And let’s not forget the real victim in all this: John Lydon, a.k.a. Johnny Rotten, who’s still feuding with the rest of the band over that awful “Pistol” miniseries. 🙄 Seriously, who even watched that garbage? 🗑️ Get over it, Johnny! Move on! 👋
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
