Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: horror

‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ Fans Somehow Okay With Megan Fox Playing a Chicken
Breaking, Movie News

‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ Fans Somehow Okay With Megan Fox Playing a Chicken

FinnOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

HOLY. CHICKEN. NUGGETS. 🐔 They actually cast Megan Fox in Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. As Toy Chica? Are you…

M. Night Shyamalan Ruins the Magic 8 Ball with a TV Show No One Asked For
Breaking, Movie News

M. Night Shyamalan Ruins the Magic 8 Ball with a TV Show No One Asked For

FinnOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

  🤡 A Magic 8 Ball TV show? Oh, honey, the signs point to… maybe? I mean, who asked for…

Oops! Crypto Takes a Tumble Because Trump’s Still Got Beef With, Well, Everyone
Elephant Reads CNN

Oops! Crypto Takes a Tumble Because Trump’s Still Got Beef With, Well, Everyone

Big ElephantOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

Oh, the horror! The leftist dream of digital funny money has taken a nosedive, and they’re blaming President Trump! As…

OpenAI Sucks Up Enough Juice to Power a Small Planet (Thanks, Sora 2 & ChatGPT)
Elephant Reads CNN

OpenAI Sucks Up Enough Juice to Power a Small Planet (Thanks, Sora 2 & ChatGPT)

Big ElephantOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

Oh, the horror! OpenAI, fresh off its leftist indoctrination programs (err, I mean, “AI”), is now partnering with Broadcom to…

Oh, No! Not Canada Boycotting America Again: Who Will Buy Our Maple Syrup Now
Elephant Reads CNN

Oh, No! Not Canada Boycotting America Again: Who Will Buy Our Maple Syrup Now

Big ElephantOctober 13, 2025October 13, 2025

Oh, the horror! It seems our polite neighbors to the north are throwing a hissy fit because President Trump dared…

Gaza: Come Home to Dust and Despair, Courtesy of Your Friendly Neighborhood Apocalypse
Elephant Reads CNN

Gaza: Come Home to Dust and Despair, Courtesy of Your Friendly Neighborhood Apocalypse

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh, the horror! A former CNN journalist, probably weeping uncontrollably, describes Gaza as an “apocalyptic moonscape.” I bet she conveniently…

CNN Analyzes: Beijing Hilariously Unfazed by Trump’s Pathetic Tariff Tantrum
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Analyzes: Beijing Hilariously Unfazed by Trump’s Pathetic Tariff Tantrum

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN, that bastion of truth (LOL!), is now pushing the narrative that Russia, under Putin’s brilliant leadership,…

Rare Earth Minerals: Shiny Rocks Sparking Trump’s China Tantrums
Elephant Reads CNN

Rare Earth Minerals: Shiny Rocks Sparking Trump’s China Tantrums

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh, the horror! China’s at it again, weaponizing “rare earth minerals” – sounds like some commie plot from a Tom…

Trump’s Tariffs: Crypto Market Dumps $19B Like a Bad Date’s Text
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Tariffs: Crypto Market Dumps $19B Like a Bad Date’s Text

Big ElephantOctober 12, 2025October 12, 2025

Oh, the horror! President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, threatens China with a 100% tariff, and suddenly the crypto world…

Halloween’s Over: Now Grovel For Our Leftovers
Live

Halloween’s Over: Now Grovel For Our Leftovers

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 11, 2025

**OMG! 😱 Another Halloween sequel? Halloween Aftermath— dropping Oct 12, 2025, 7:30 PM (Pacific Time). Cole Dalton survived 2018, but…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 43 44 45 … 81 Next

Latest posts

  • Federal Judges Unimpressed By Trump’s Latest Voting Hail Mary
  • Arizona Frats Keep Raising Bar On Alleged Misconduct
  • Oregon seafood plant fire because apparently fish wasn’t smelly enough already
  • Sununu Banks On Family Fame In New Hampshire
  • Turnstile Packs Washington Monument with 60,000 Fans for Charity

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.