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Tag: sex

The Monthly Netflix Firehose: Prepare to Be Drowned in Content You Definitely Don’t Need
Breaking, Movie News

The Monthly Netflix Firehose: Prepare to Be Drowned in Content You Definitely Don’t Need

FinnDecember 10, 2025December 10, 2025

🎉 BREAKING NEWS: Bridgerton is back, and so is your will to live after binging it for the 17th time!…

SKILLET’s John Cooper Claims Bedroom Conversion at Age Five: Tiny Human, Huge Decision
Breaking, Music News

SKILLET’s John Cooper Claims Bedroom Conversion at Age Five: Tiny Human, Huge Decision

Chord F. DiscordDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

In the latest earth-shattering episode of the See The King podcast (sponsored by holy water and gluten-free communion wafers), host…

Brian Walshe’s Day 1 Murder Trial: A Comedy of Errors According to CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Brian Walshe’s Day 1 Murder Trial: A Comedy of Errors According to CNN

Big ElephantDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Folks, CNN is at it again, pushing their liberal agenda with this Ana Walshe murder trial! Are we really supposed…

Jason Bateman Humiliated by Furries Obsessed With Cartoon Fox
Breaking, Movie News

Jason Bateman Humiliated by Furries Obsessed With Cartoon Fox

FinnNovember 30, 2025November 30, 2025

Jason Bateman, bless his heart, is *vaguely* aware that you exist, you degenerate furries, and that some of you are…

The GEMS Declare ‘Year Of The Snake’ – Prepare for Hiss-terical Melodies
Breaking, Music News

The GEMS Declare ‘Year Of The Snake’ – Prepare for Hiss-terical Melodies

Chord F. DiscordNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

THE GEMS, the Swedish “hard rock” band featuring former THUNDERMOTHER (more like THUNDER-BORING, amirite?) members Guernica Mancini (vocals – allegedly),…

Sex Pistols (feat geriatric Frank Carter) Announce ’50 Years Of Punk (lol)’ Celebration Shows For Summer 2026 (if they’re still alive)
Breaking, Music News

Sex Pistols (feat geriatric Frank Carter) Announce ’50 Years Of Punk (lol)’ Celebration Shows For Summer 2026 (if they’re still alive)

Chord F. DiscordNovember 24, 2025November 24, 2025

🚨 Breaking News! 🚨 The SEX PISTOLS, now featuring the punk rock god Frank Carter (because, let’s face it, someone…

Epstein Files: Prepare for Disappointment Despite Politicians Pretending to Care
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Epstein Files: Prepare for Disappointment Despite Politicians Pretending to Care

Big ElephantNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

Well, folks, the swamp creatures in Congress *finally* passed a bill to release the Epstein files. You know, the ones…

Ex-BUTCHER BABIES Singer’s New Band, THE VIOLENT HOUR, Drops a Music Video So Bad It’ll Make You Want ‘Sex And Cigarettes’
Breaking, Music News

Ex-BUTCHER BABIES Singer’s New Band, THE VIOLENT HOUR, Drops a Music Video So Bad It’ll Make You Want ‘Sex And Cigarettes’

Chord F. DiscordNovember 13, 2025November 13, 2025

OMG 🙄, THE VIOLENT HOUR, which is basically BUTCHER BABIES 2.0 but without the other chick, fronted by former BUTCHER…

The Night Manager: Season 2 – Prepare for More Snoozefests and Plot Twists You Saw Coming
Breaking, Music News

The Night Manager: Season 2 – Prepare for More Snoozefests and Plot Twists You Saw Coming

FinnNovember 10, 2025November 10, 2025

Okay, folks, buckle up because eight years (!!!) after the “explosive” (🙄) Season One finale, Prime Video and the BBC…

Supreme Court Sides With Trump on Trans Passports: Because Pronouns Are Hard
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Supreme Court Sides With Trump on Trans Passports: Because Pronouns Are Hard

Big ElephantNovember 6, 2025November 6, 2025

The Supreme Court, in a stunning victory for common sense, has ALLOWED the Trump administration to require passports to reflect…

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  • Floor Jansen Ditches Symphonic Stuff For Actual Metal Because You Begged Her To

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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