Just When You Thought ICE Wasn’t Tough Enough, an Agent Gets Dragged By a Car—Then Shoots a Lady for Not Parking Properly
In a stunning display of “defensive” tactics that can only be described as “overreacting to a parallel parking violation,” an ICE agent in Minneapolis managed to turn a routine traffic stop into a fatal shooting after surviving a previous incident where he was dragged 100 yards by a car like a human kite. Yes, you read that right—this brave hero of border security was nearly turned into roadkill last summer, and apparently, he’s still mad about it.
According to CNN’s sob-fest coverage, Agent Jonathan Ross—yes, they named him, because nothing says “officer safety” like doxxing a guy who just shot someone—was nearly killed in June when an undocumented immigrant decided he didn’t want to go to jail for child sex abuse (a totally reasonable reaction, apparently). Ross stuck his arm in the car window like a curious toddler, and the suspect hit the gas. Our hero was dragged across the pavement, required 33 stitches, and somehow lived to tell the tale. You’d think that would be the end of it, but no—six months later, he saw another car and apparently thought, “Not again, you monster!”
This time, the suspect was Renee Nicole Good, a 37-year-old woman who was allegedly blocking a road. Two agents were already at her window, gesturing wildly like they were directing traffic at a Walmart parking lot. But Ross, ever the overachiever, decided to stand directly in front of her car. When she put it in drive and swerved—possibly to avoid him, possibly to escape the swarm of federal agents at her window—he opened fire like he was in a Call of Duty match. She crashed into some parked cars and died. Tragic? Sure. But also: what part of “don’t stand in front of moving vehicles” was unclear?
Vice President JD Vance, ever the voice of reason, defended Ross by saying, “You think maybe he’s a little bit sensitive about someone ramming him with an automobile?” Sensitivity? Buddy, this isn’t sensitivity—this is a guy who brought a .40 caliber to a parking dispute.
Local experts and former cops are scratching their heads, pointing out that Ross violated about seven basic rules of law enforcement: don’t stand in front of cars, don’t shoot at moving vehicles unless you’re in imminent danger, and for the love of God, get out of the way. But no—our hero chose to treat a minor traffic obstruction like a high-speed chase from “The Fast and the Furious.”
Meanwhile, DHS is singing Ross’s praises, calling him a “longtime ICE officer” and a “special response team” member. Translation: he’s good at shooting things. But maybe, just maybe, someone should’ve reminded him that “special response” doesn’t mean “shoot first, ask questions never.”
In other news, the Left is predictably losing their minds, calling for investigations and policy changes, because nothing terrifies them more than a federal agent doing his job too well. But hey, at least he didn’t get dragged this time. Small victories.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
