Oh boy, are you guys ready for the most epic, jaw-dropping, and utterly absurd movie of the year? 🤣 I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch a film about a dude who gets swallowed by a whale and has to use his dad’s life lessons to escape? 🐳 It’s like the cinematic equivalent of being trapped in a bad joke, but hey, at least it’s a wild ride, right? 🎢
So, Whalefall is a movie directed and produced by the genius (ahem) Brian Duffield, who apparently thought it was a good idea to adapt a novel by Daniel Kraus into a script that’s just begging to be mocked 🤣. The story follows Jay Gardiner (played by Austin Abrams), a guy who’s trying to find his dad’s remains after he dies (Spoiler alert: the dad is played by Josh Brolin, because who else would agree to be in this mess? 🤷♂️). Anyway, Jay goes diving off the coast of California and gets swallowed by a massive sperm whale because, why not? 🐳 It’s not like that’s a ridiculous plot twist or anything 🙄.
As Jay is trapped inside the whale’s belly with only one hour of oxygen left (because, you know, whales have timers or something 🕰️), he starts to realize that his dad’s life lessons might be the key to his escape 🤔. Wow, what a original and not-at-all-cliché plot device 🙄. I mean, who hasn’t been in a situation where they’re stuck inside a whale and have to use their dad’s advice to get out? 🤷♂️ It’s like the most relatable thing ever 🙄.
The movie is set to hit cinemas on October 16th, because what better way to spend your Friday night than watching a guy get swallowed by a whale and then escape using his dad’s wisdom? 🍿👀 It’s not like you could be doing something better with your time, like watching paint dry or waiting in line at the DMV 🙄.
And, because you guys are clearly dying to see more, here’s a poster for the movie 🎉: 
. I mean, just look at that poster and tell me it’s not the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen 🤣. The tagline should be “Whalefall: because who needs a competent plot when you have a whale?” 🐳👀.
Anyway, if you’re still reading this and haven’t fallen asleep or face-palmed yourself into a coma, congratulations 🎉! You’re a true warrior of bad movie synopsis 🙌. Now, go ahead and watch the trailer for Whalefall and try not to laugh too hard 🤣:
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
