Oh boy, film “fans” are “eagerly” awaiting another pretentious art-house flick that’s apparently so mind-blowing, it’s making people gasp louder than a Karen at a Starbucks when they’re out of oat milk. 🙄 Prepare for Sirât, a cinematic masterpiece (or so they say) that’s probably just a really long, boring dream sequence with subtitles.
Sirât, or as I like to call it, “Sir-AHHHH-t-I’m-Bored,” premiered at the Cannes Film Festival 2025. And let me tell you, whether people liked it or not (spoiler alert: most didn’t, they were just being polite), it’s “something that needs to be experienced.” Like getting a root canal without anesthesia. 🦷
Directed by some French-Spanish dude named Óliver Laxe (sounds like a cleaning product), Sirât follows Luis (played by Sergi López, who probably regrets signing up for this) as a father searching for his missing daughter with his young son Esteban (Bruno Núñez Arjona). Because what’s more fun than a depressing road trip through the desert with your kid? 🌵
Their epic quest leads them to an illegal rave in the Moroccan desert, because that’s where all missing daughters end up, right? It’s not like she could be at a library or something. 📚 Luis and Esteban start handing out photos to sweaty, drug-fueled ravers, because that’s a totally effective way to find someone. 🤦♂️
But wait, there’s a twist! A “chance encounter” (probably involving some bad drugs) tips them off to ANOTHER rave, even deeper in the desert. Because one rave clearly wasn’t enough. 😵💫
As the search drags on, the “safety” provided by the film’s supporting characters (who are probably all high) is replaced by “horror.” Ooh, spooky! Apparently, Sirât is a “slow-burn Sorcerer-esque descent into hell” that made people gasp. I bet it was from boredom. 😴
Critics are “widely” (aka, maybe three people) “acclaiming” this film. IndieWire (who?) ranks Sirât as the BEST FILM of Cannes 2025! Above other films with even more pretentious titles. 🏆
The film has a “perfect” 100% score on Rotten Tomatoes after 33 reviews. Which means either the movie is actually good (doubtful), or the critics were paid off. 🤔 The sound design by Laia Casanova is “particularly hailed.” Because apparently, the sound is the only thing worth praising in this cinematic disaster. 🎧
Time Out‘s John Bleasdale says your enjoyment “will depend on how far you’re willing to go with the wild swings the film takes in its second half.” Which is code for “you’ll either love it or hate it, and either way, you’ll regret watching it.” He describes it as “The Wages of Fear meets The Vanishing on shrooms.” So basically, a confusing, drug-induced nightmare. 🍄
Cineuropa‘s Fabien Lemercier calls it “unforgettable” and “experiential.” Because nothing says “unforgettable” like a film you’ll desperately try to forget. 🧠 Jessica Kiang from Variety says Sirât is a “brilliantly bizarre, cult-ready vision of human psychology tested to its limits.” Or, in simpler terms, it’s weird, confusing, and will make you question your life choices. ❓
The film doesn’t have a release date yet, but it’s been picked up for distribution by Altitude in the UK and Neon in the US. So get ready to be “enlightened” by this cinematic masterpiece (or fall asleep halfway through). 🎬
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
