MACKINSHAW, NE—Emphasizing that he didn’t want to seem paranoid but it was the only way he could make sense of it all, high school senior Geoffrey Lesseder stated Monday that he was starting to suspect the three school shootings he had been in might be about him. “At first I thought it was due to a lack of universal background checks, but now it feels personal,” said Lesseder, adding that despite attending multiple high schools in states with vastly different gun laws, high-caliber rifle bullets always seemed to fly in classrooms when he was present. “I don’t want to be too self-centered, but what is the common thread that connects all these shootings, if not me? God, do all these shooters just think I’m annoying? I especially got weird vibes from that last one—the way he glared at me as I was clamoring past my dying classmates toward the supply closet it was like he hated me or something.” At press time, Lesseder had reportedly decided he would know for sure if there was a fourth school shooting in his vicinity.
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MACKINSHAW, NE—Emphasizing that he didn’t want to seem paranoid but it was the only way he could make sense of it all, high school senior Geoffrey Lesseder stated Monday that he was starting to suspect the three school shootings he had been in might be about him. “At first I thought it was due to
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.