Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Grumbling to himself as he repeatedly dropped the device, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly blowing…
Author: Finn McFrame
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed "Emperor of Irony," started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
Study Finds Breastfed Children Far Better At Suckling Later In Life
Read MoreThe OnionCAMBRIDGE, MA—In a revelation shedding light on a previously unexamined facet of childhood development, a study published Thursday…
7 Ways You Too Can Achieve Trump’s Perfect Orange Skin Glow
As the leader of the free world, President Donald J. Trump is a role model for all Americans. From his…
Hegseth Kicking Himself For Not Just Getting 13 Soldiers Killed And Giving $80 Billion In Weapons To Terrorists
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With lawmakers calling for Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth to resign over leaked Yemen attack plans, Hegseth…
State Farm Now Offering Optional ‘Car Torched By Psychotic Purple-Haired Weirdo’ Coverage
U.S. — State Farm has begun offering optional extra car insurance coverage for protection against customers’ cars being torched by…
‘I Don’t Know Why They Call Me Hot Wheels,’ Thinks Governor Abbott While Launching Off G-Force Burnout Set Launcher Ramp
AUSTIN, TX — As he launched through the air off the G-Force Burnout Set Launcher Ramp, Governor Greg Abbott wondered…
Report: Anti-Science Attitude Strongest Among Those Who Believe Turtle Has Little Apartment Inside Shell
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Highlighting a rising distrust in evidence-based knowledge, a report published Wednesday in the American Journal Of Sociology found…
Jesus Calls On Followers To Eat Filet-O-Fish Sandwiches For 40 Days To Prepare For His Crucifixion
JERUSALEM — Sources close to the Son of God report that Jesus Christ has just called upon his followers to…
Darth Vader Accidentally Adds Admiral Ackbar To Holochat Planning Alderaan Bombing
MUSTAFAR — The Galactic Empire was forced into damage control mode this week after it was revealed that Darth Vader…
Trump Officials Accidentally Text Journalist War Plans
Read MoreThe OnionTop national security officials for President Donald Trump, including his defense secretary, texted war plans for upcoming military…