šµ “AI Just Got Owned! š¤ Musicians Drop Silent Album, And Itās a Chart-Topping āMasterpieceā!” š¶
British music fans are in shock, and the AI industry is sweating bulletsābecause the most critically acclaimed album of the…
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Mitch McConnell Wonāt Seek Reelection In 2026
Ā Ā Ā Ā Read MoreThe OnionRepublican Senator Mitch McConnell announced that he wonāt seek reelection next year, ending a decades-long tenure as a…
Federal Judge Declares Constitution Unconstitutional
WASHINGTON, D.C. ā A federal appellate judge delivered a heavy blow to the Trump administration today, issuing a stunning ruling…
Laid-Off IRS Agents Now Forced To Go Door To Door Robbing People Directly
U.S. ā The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is the most recent government agency affected by the rule of DOGE, with…
Trump Signs New Order That All Female Video Game Characters Must Be Hot Now
WASHINGTON, D.C. ā In a move praised by conservative gamers, Trump has signed a new executive order that all female…
Crenshaw Tries To Kill Tucker But Instead Runs Into A Pole (Because He Has No Depth Perception)
BOCA GRANDE, FL ā Dan Crenshaw’s plan to hunt and kill conservative personality Tucker Carlson was foiled again when he…
Dumb Dying Guy In Ambulance Makes You Miss Green Light
JACKSONVILLE, FL ā In a tragic turn of events earlier today, some dumb dying guy in an ambulance made you…
Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile
Ā Ā Ā Ā Read MoreThe OnionThe post Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile appeared first on The Onion.Ā Ā
Scholars Discover Judas Iscariot Didn’t Like Dogs, Was ‘More Of A Cat Person’
CHICAGO, IL ā Textual analysis of ancient Biblical-era manuscripts by a group of University of Chicago professors has just revealed…
Scientists Confirm Shingleback Lizards Only Reptiles That Mate For Sake Of Aging Mothers
Ā Ā Ā Ā Read MoreThe OnionITHACA, NYāNoting that the evolutionary quirk results in plenty of familial strife, herpetologists at Cornell University confirmed Tuesday…