Trump Fired After Forgetting To Reply To Elon’s Email
WASHINGTON, D.C. — America’s new golden age came screeching to an unexpected halt today, as news broke that President Donald…
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Elon Musk Holds Office-Wide Contest To Guess How Many Sperm In Cup
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an attempt to raise morale by providing a fun yet challenging activity for employees of the U.S.…
Matt Walsh Current Frontrunner For Next Pope
VATICAN CITY — As the world waited to hear more about the condition of the ailing Pope Francis, rumors circulated…
KFC Leaves Kentucky
Read MoreThe OnionKFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, is leaving its namesake state, moving its corporate headquarters to Plano,…
Oh No: Admiral Piett Gets Email From Lord Vader Asking What He Accomplished Last Week
OUTER RIM — Following a sudden rise in rank, Admiral Firmus Piett was faced with his most challenging mission yet:…
Tips For Getting Involved At Your Child’s School
Read MoreThe OnionServing as a parent volunteer is a great way to bolster your child’s education as well as give…
Democratic Leaders Stand Real Still In Hopes No One Notices Them
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With the elected officials trying their hardest not to move a muscle, reports confirmed Monday that top Democratic…
Gamers in Shock! Putin from Tony Hawk Pro Skater Is Now in Call of Duty: Black Ops 6! 😲
Attention, true gamers and meme enthusiasts – brace yourselves for some shock content! Over the past few days, the internet…
Hooters Bankruptcy Deals Heavy Blow To Nation’s Creepy, Middle-Aged Weirdos
U.S. — The creepy, middle-aged weirdos of America were dealt a harsh blow today as the Hooters franchise announced it…
Bummed About That Hockey Game? Here Are 21 Things America Is Better At Than Canada
Are you a little sad that Canada won that hockey game the other night? Well, cheer up, friend: here are…