After Weeks Of Research, Husband Buys Wrong Christmas Gift For Wife
ANN ARBOR, MI — After weeks of intense research and deliberation among colleagues, local husband Felix Mayweather bought the wrong…
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Liberals Sadly Wish Each Other ‘Happy Holidays’ For Last Time Before Trump Makes It Punishable By Death
U.S. — Liberals are putting extra effort into their secular holiday plans this year, taking the time to stop and…
🚨 Finally, AAA Games Without Woke Nonsense? Game Awards 2024 Set to Break the Internet!
The countdown is over, gamers! The Game Awards 2024 — that annual spectacle of world premieres, awkward celebrity cameos, and…
Years Of Inbreeding Causes Dog To Birth British Man
Read MoreThe OnionMANASSAS, VA—Producing numerous congenital and physical anomalies that include extreme Anglo-Saxon deformities, years of inbreeding reportedly caused a…
Drones Revealed To Be Iranian After Closer Inspection
NEWARK, NJ — A pressing mystery that had puzzled government officials and the general public alike was solved today, as…
Are You Old? Know The Signs
As one generation gives way to the next, you may find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering, “Hey, am…
«All I Want for Christmas» Is a Fight? Mariah Carey’s Holiday Track Turns Gyms into Boxing Rings 🎅✨
There’s no doubt about it – Mariah Carey’s timeless Christmas anthem, «All I Want for Christmas Is You», has become…
Brett Cooper Leaves Daily Wire, Causing Andrew Klavan To Regain Title Of Daily Wire’s Most Attractive Host
NASHVILLE, TN — Andrew Klavan has reclaimed his title of Most Attractive Daily Wire Host in the wake of Brett…
Bill Belichick Agrees To UNC Job On Condition He Can Live In Girlfriend’s Dorm
CHAPEL HILL, NC — The Tar Heels athletic department was on the brink of pulling off a huge coup this…
Caitlin Clark Explains That White Privilege Feels Weirdly Like Getting Beat Up By Giant Black Lesbians
U.S. — WNBA player Caitlin Clark explained in an interview with TIME that she has been the beneficiary of white…