🔥 «28 Years Later» Shocks Fans: Did Cillian Murphy REALLY Become a Zombie?
The long-awaited trailer for Danny Boyle’s apocalyptic thriller «28 Years Later» has finally dropped, and the Internet is officially losing…
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Trump FBI Director Pick Kash Patel Vows To Keep Both Eyes Wide Open For Deep State Conspiracies
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an announcement that has raised eyebrows around the nation, Kash Patel recently promised the American public…
College Student Explains What It Like To Be First In Family Forced To Drink Own Urine In Frat House
    Read MoreThe OnionThe post College Student Explains What It Like To Be First In Family Forced To Drink Own Urine…
MrBeast Offers To Give $1Â Million To First PersonWho Can Teach Him To Blink
    Read MoreThe OnionGREENVILLE, NC—Calling it a “life-changing” opportunity for one of his many subscribers, internet influencer Jimmy “MrBeast” Donaldson reportedly…
Scientists Posit Theoretical Existence Of ‘Hootie And The Blowfish’ Fan Somewhere In The Universe
U.S. — Researchers with the National Institute of Science are now positing the theoretical existence of a Hootie and the…
Assad Regime Leaves Note Thanking Locals For Supporting Family-Run Dictatorship
    Read MoreThe OnionDAMASCUS—Stating that none of it would have been possible without the broken will of the nation’s people, ousted…
Juan Soto Retires From Professional Baseball To Play For The New York Mets
NEW YORK, NY — The sweepstakes to land free agent Juan Soto came to a surprising end, as the star…
Americans Glad ISIS Defeated Or Something
    Read MoreThe OnionPHILADELPHIA—Weighing in on the chaotic events unfolding in one of those Middle Eastern–looking countries, Americans reported feeling glad…
Life Hack: You Can Avoid Wokeness In Video Games By Just Playing Ninja Golf On The Atari 7800
U.S. — Millions of gamers are discovering a new life hack where you can avoid wokeness in video games simply…
Biden Cancels Aid To Syria After Finding Out Some Needy Americans Live There
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden has reportedly canceled $1 billion of foreign aid for war-torn Syria after learning some of…