Study Finds Federal Food Assistance Slows Cognitive Decline
Read MoreThe OnionA National Institutes of Health-funded study found that older adults who participated in SNAP showed a slower rate…
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Women’s Parallel Parking Added To 2028 Olympics
LAUSANNE — The upcoming 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles promised to be the most exciting ever with the inclusion of…
Oreo And Reese’s Team Up To Sicken Dogs
Read MoreThe OnionEAST HANOVER, NJ—Unveiling a much-anticipated collaboration they said fans have long been waiting for, the makers of Oreo…
Democrats Announce 2028 Campaign Slogan: ‘We Hate Capitalism, Hot Chicks, And The Jews’
U.S. — As preparations geared up for the 2028 presidential election, the Democratic Party unveiled its new campaign slogan of…
Cincinnati Authorities Warn White Visitors Not To Use Their Skulls To Attack Black Fists
CINCINNATI, OH — Local authorities issued a warning advising all white visitors to the city to please make sure they…
How Aid Is Distributed In Gaza
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.N., Doctors Without Borders, and other humanitarian groups are sounding the alarm on mass starvation throughout Gaza.…
Investigation Concludes Trump Is The Only One Who Didn’t Collude With Russia
U.S. — Newly declassified intelligence files revealed that every politician, government official, and political candidate except Donald Trump colluded with…
Joan “El Gaslighting” Laporta’s Grandiose Gabfest
So, Barcelona, those champions of… last season (yawn), are “touring” Asia? Oh, how touching. Probably spreading their woke ideology and…
Spoiled Brats in the Sky: How Private Jets are Ruining the Planet for Everyone Else
Oh, the horror! Those limousine liberals are at it again, polluting our precious skies with their private jets while lecturing…