What To Know About The Live-Action ‘Moana’

JT

      

Disney’s live-action remake of Moana comes to theaters this weekend, a decade after the original animated film was released. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the movie.

Q: Who is the target audience?

A: Nostalgic 12-year-olds hoping to relive their childhood.

Q: Who is the villain?

A: The looming threat of a live-action Frozen.

Q: What was the process for transforming Dwayne Johnson into the character Maui?

A: A grueling, five-second wig application.

Q: How long is Moana?

A: It’s about the length of the movie Moana.

Q: Are there any new songs?

A: Lin-Manuel Miranda provided a new song called “Call Me Mr. Secretary (Put Me On The 10)” that was cut from Hamilton

Q: Now that Disney’s created so many live-action remakes, what’s left?

A: Melody Time, that thing where Donald Duck learns about math, and the opening credits to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Q: Why are fans calling the original better?

A: They say Dwayne Johnson’s emotional range is best captured without his actual face.

Q: What did the film cost?

A: The beautiful, unsullied memory of the original.

The post What To Know About The Live-Action ‘Moana’ appeared first on The Onion.

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Finn

Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.

Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.

Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.

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