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Category: Breaking

5 Things You Absolutely Need to Panic About Today (or Don’t, Whatever)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

5 Things You Absolutely Need to Panic About Today (or Don’t, Whatever)

Big ElephantNovember 10, 2025November 10, 2025

Fake News CNN is still at it, folks! They’re pushing their usual doom and gloom while our GREAT President Trump…

Phasmophobia: Nell’s Diner—Where the Only Thing Scarier Than the Ghosts Is the Food
Breaking, Games News

Phasmophobia: Nell’s Diner—Where the Only Thing Scarier Than the Ghosts Is the Food

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 10, 2025November 10, 2025

Okay, so listen up, buttercups 🙄. I, like, TOTALLY didn’t expect to get sucked into Phasmophobia. When it first dropped,…

SABATON Drops New Vid for ‘A Tiger Among Dragons’ Because Apparently Dragons Need Tigers Now
Breaking, Music News

SABATON Drops New Vid for ‘A Tiger Among Dragons’ Because Apparently Dragons Need Tigers Now

Chord F. DiscordNovember 10, 2025November 10, 2025

So, SABATON, those Swedish metalheads who apparently think history is just a suggestion for song lyrics, have dropped another single…

The Night Manager: Season 2 – Prepare for More Snoozefests and Plot Twists You Saw Coming
Breaking, Music News

The Night Manager: Season 2 – Prepare for More Snoozefests and Plot Twists You Saw Coming

FinnNovember 10, 2025November 10, 2025

Okay, folks, buckle up because eight years (!!!) after the “explosive” (🙄) Season One finale, Prime Video and the BBC…

Freddie Mercury’s ‘Mr Bad Guy’ Gets 40th-Anniversary Makeover: Prepare for Peak Camp in December
Breaking, Music News

Freddie Mercury’s ‘Mr Bad Guy’ Gets 40th-Anniversary Makeover: Prepare for Peak Camp in December

Chord F. DiscordNovember 10, 2025November 10, 2025

OMG! 😱 Another reissue? Seriously? 🙄 It’s only the 40th anniversary of Freddie Mercury’s “Mr. Bad Guy”! Like, we haven’t…

Shutdownageddon: Schools Implode Because Congress Can’t Play Nice
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Shutdownageddon: Schools Implode Because Congress Can’t Play Nice

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

More socialist handouts! Now they want to indoctrinate our kids with taxpayer money! Lackland, Texas, is just the tip of…

BBC’s Brain Drain: Blame Trump, Blame the Moon, Blame Your Annoying Coworker, Just Blame Something
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

BBC’s Brain Drain: Blame Trump, Blame the Moon, Blame Your Annoying Coworker, Just Blame Something

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Oh, the BBC’s boss is stepping down? Probably because he couldn’t handle the TRUTH! The swamp runs deep, even across…

Aaron Lewis Sings ‘Am I The Only One’ to Charlie Kirk: God’s Favorite Patriot Gets a Tune
Breaking, Music News

Aaron Lewis Sings ‘Am I The Only One’ to Charlie Kirk: God’s Favorite Patriot Gets a Tune

Chord F. DiscordNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Ah, yes, another groundbreaking moment in modern music history. 🙄 STAIND’s very own deep thinker, Aaron Lewis, took a break…

Crunchyroll Game Vault: 75 “Robust” Titles to Bore You to Tears in Year Two
Breaking, Games News

Crunchyroll Game Vault: 75 “Robust” Titles to Bore You to Tears in Year Two

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Oh boy, Crunchyroll Game Vault is two years old! 🎉 That’s like, what, 14 in dog years? 🐶 And to…

U.S. Senators’ Brainwave Sync: Government Might Reopen (Maybe)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

U.S. Senators’ Brainwave Sync: Government Might Reopen (Maybe)

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Desperate Dems Cave as Trump’s America Keeps Winning! Another pathetic attempt by the radical left to obstruct our glorious President…

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Editorial
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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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