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Category: Breaking

DualSense Gets Schizophrenic: Now Juggles PS5, PC, and Your Toaster
Breaking, Games News

DualSense Gets Schizophrenic: Now Juggles PS5, PC, and Your Toaster

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Oh boy, Sony has graced us with another earth-shattering, life-altering, paradigm-shifting PS5 update! 🙄 Prepare yourselves, peasants, because the DualSense…

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back
Breaking, Movie News

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back

FinnJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Behold! The geriatric rockers of Spinal Tap, back to assault your eardrums and your intelligence, louder (debatable) and older (definitely)…

Xbox Tries Not to Suck: The Outer Worlds 2 Price Plunge and Apology Tour
Breaking, Games News

Xbox Tries Not to Suck: The Outer Worlds 2 Price Plunge and Apology Tour

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Oh, sweet gamers, gather ’round and feast your eyes on the latest saga of corporate greed and fanboy tears! 😭…

MACHINE HEAD Kicks Off Show with BLACK SABBATH Covers Honoring OZZY (Is This Real Life?)
Breaking, Music News

MACHINE HEAD Kicks Off Show with BLACK SABBATH Covers Honoring OZZY (Is This Real Life?)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

San Francisco Bay Area metallers MACHINE HEAD, bless their cotton socks, decided to honor Ozzy Osbourne by butchering two BLACK…

FFT Remake: Square Enix Claims Original Code Lost, Blames Moogles
Breaking, Games News

FFT Remake: Square Enix Claims Original Code Lost, Blames Moogles

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Oh, honey, bless your heart! Two months before Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles launches, PlayStation is desperately trying to…

Coldplay Butchers ‘Changes’ in Bizarre Ozzy Osbourne Tribute, Fans Demand Refund
Breaking, Music News

Coldplay Butchers ‘Changes’ in Bizarre Ozzy Osbourne Tribute, Fans Demand Refund

Chord F. DiscordJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

LOL, as if anyone cares, COLDPLAY, those purveyors of beige boredom, “paid tribute” to Ozzy Osbourne by butchering BLACK SABBATH’s…

OMG! Lady Gaga Channels Her Inner Bat-Eating Rockstar: A Hilarious Tribute to Ozzy in San Fran
Breaking, Music News

OMG! Lady Gaga Channels Her Inner Bat-Eating Rockstar: A Hilarious Tribute to Ozzy in San Fran

Chord F. DiscordJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Pop “superstar” Lady Gaga, bless her heart, decided to “honor” the Prince of Darkness, Ozzy Osbourne, at the grand finale…

OMG, Guitar Hero SLASH Teams Up With Universal Studios to Ruin Halloween for Everyone in 2025!
Breaking, Music News

OMG, Guitar Hero SLASH Teams Up With Universal Studios to Ruin Halloween for Everyone in 2025!

Chord F. DiscordJuly 22, 2025July 22, 2025

Universal Studios Hollywood, bless their cotton socks, has decided that the only way to stay relevant is by clinging to…

Stranger Things: Welcome To The Hellfire Club Summons Nerds To Roll Dice And Avoid Sunlight
Breaking, Movie News

Stranger Things: Welcome To The Hellfire Club Summons Nerds To Roll Dice And Avoid Sunlight

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 22, 2025July 22, 2025

Oh, sweet Vecna, another cash grab! Stranger Things, that show everyone *totally* still cares about, is teaming up with Dungeons…

James Gunn Blames America-Hating Haters for ‘Superman’ Flop
Breaking, Movie News

James Gunn Blames America-Hating Haters for ‘Superman’ Flop

FinnJuly 22, 2025July 22, 2025

James Gunn, our supreme overlord and benevolent dictator of DC Studios, has graced us with his infinite wisdom, explaining why…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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