Category: The Onion

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Vowing to restore and revitalize the facilities as a symbol of law, order, and justice, President Donald Trump…

    Read MoreThe OnionDURHAM, NC—Threatening to have his client sit out the rest of the academic semester unless he was paid…

    Read MoreThe OnionA study in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that semaglutides, such as Ozempic and Wegovy, may…

    Read MoreThe OnionEDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Scolding thousands of employees for letting themselves become distracted from their schooling, Rockstar Games announced Friday that…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Signing the executive order just minutes after storming off the set, President Donald Trump revoked federal funding for…

    Read MoreThe OnionNEW BERLIN, NY—Taking the rookie employee aside to offer him “a word to the wise,” Chobani CEO Hamdi…

    Read MoreThe OnionA runaway kangaroo named Sheila managed to shut down a stretch of interstate in Alabama before state troopers…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Growing increasingly frustrated by the protracted diplomatic talks, President Donald Trump asserted Thursday that Russia must be allowed…

    Read MoreThe OnionSPOKANE, WA—Lamenting that all his effort had been in vain, area man Evan Stackelberg told reporters Thursday that…

    Read MoreThe OnionA blackout brought much of Spain and Portugal to a standstill, halting subway and railway trains, cutting phone…