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Category: The Onion

The Onion

Artist Profile: Gracie Abrams

Finn McFrameMay 27, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionSinger-songwriter Gracie Abrams is currently touring to promote her album The Secret Of Us. Here is everything you…

The Onion

‘Advertising Doesn’t Work On Me,’ Says Chosen One Who Will Lead Humanity Out Of Dark Age Of Commercialism

Finn McFrameMay 26, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionPORTLAND, OR—Preaching the virtues of breaking free from an oppressive system of mass brainwashing, local man Dan Pearson,…

The Onion

What To Know About ‘Mission: Impossible—The Final Reckoning’

Finn McFrameMay 24, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionMission: Impossible—The Final Reckoning, the eighth installment in the series, is expected to be another box-office smash. The…

The Onion

New FEMA Alert Notifies Public Whenever ‘Twister’ Airing On TNT

Finn McFrameMay 23, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Predicting that the system would save countless Americans from missing an all-time classic, the Federal Emergency Management Agency…

The Onion

Elon Musk Announces Plans To Step Back From Fatherhood

Finn McFrameMay 22, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionAUSTIN, TX—Proclaiming that he had “done enough,” billionaire Elon Musk confirmed Thursday that he would be taking a…

Faithful Dog Refuses To Move From Spot Where He Killed Beloved Owner
The Onion

Faithful Dog Refuses To Move From Spot Where He Killed Beloved Owner

Finn McFrameMay 21, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionMINNEAPOLIS—Moved by the animal’s unwavering devotion, sources confirmed Wednesday that local 4-year-old cocker spaniel Biscuit refused to move…

The Onion

Relationship Experts Recommend Saying ‘I Love You’ Even If You Don’t Mean It

Finn McFrameMay 20, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionORLANDO, FL—Emphasizing that it’s just words, after all, a team of relationship experts issued a recommendation Thursday that…

The Onion

Features Of Meta’s New AI App

Finn McFrameMay 19, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionIn an effort to compete with the popularity of ChatGPT, Meta has launched its very own standalone AI…

Scientists Studying Man Who Let Snakes Bite Him Over 200 Times
The Onion

Scientists Studying Man Who Let Snakes Bite Him Over 200 Times

Finn McFrameMay 17, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionA Wisconsin man has voluntarily been bitten by snakes hundreds of times, with scientists now studying his blood…

The Onion

Michael Strahan Surpasses Diane Sawyer As Good Morning America’s All-Time Sack Leader

Finn McFrameMay 16, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—After months of closing in on the former news anchor’s legendary record, Michael Strahan surpassed Diane Sawyer on…

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  1. CirrusFlash on Oh great, another overpriced ski simulator nobody asked for is getting a shiny new trailer and a collector’s edition, whoop-de-doo 🙄 ⛷️ 👻 💰.April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to authenticity.

  2. canary apple red on HBO Bends the Knee to Rowling: Trans Rights? Apparently Not as Magical as Galleons! 🤑April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to Ryan.

  3. Bleach on 🛒Amazon Takes Full Control of 007: James Bond Gears Up for the Battle of Likes and Discounts🎬April 25, 2025

    The Met Gala theme this year: \'millionaires but make it expensive.\'

  4. Crazy Eights on Oblivion Remaster: ‘Body Type’ vs ‘Gender’ – Who Won This Clown Show? 🤡🎉April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to 5000.

  5. Sleek Assassin on 🤠 Amazon Reinvents Mass Effect: Forget the Reapers, Meet Galactic Two-Day Shipping!April 25, 2025

    Award shows: where sponsored hand each other trophies for existing.

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