Trump Pulls U.S. Out Of House Hunters International
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In a move that stunned the global real estate community, President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday pulling…
Category: The Onion
Am I Ugly?
Read MoreThe OnionSo this is kind of awkward but it’s been on my mind lately and I know it’s probably…
Trump Announces SEAL Team 6 Killed U.S. Protester In Daring Overnight Raid
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Addressing the nation to reveal that one of the greatest threats facing the nation had been eradicated, President…
Study: 93% Of Individuals With One Earbud In Receiving Top-Secret Commands From HQ
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Despite the risks to national security from revealing such confidential information, the Pew Research Center released a study…
Harvard Announces Free Tuition For Families Making Under $200,000
Read MoreThe OnionHarvard announced that undergraduate tuition will be free for students of families who make annual incomes of $200,000…
Trump Invokes Law Used To Justify Japanese Internment Camps
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump invoked the Alien Enemies Act for the first time since it was used to intern…
Frightened Child Sits Atop Stairs Watching Parents Argue About Ending Of ‘Sopranos’
Read MoreThe OnionST. CHARLES, MO—Covering her ears as her father screamed at her mother about the overuse of suggestive POV…
4-Year-Old Calls 911 To Report Mom For Eating His Ice Cream
Read MoreThe OnionA 4-year-old Wisconsin boy called 911 to report that his mom was eating his ice cream, saying she…
Report: You Could Just Lose An Arm One Day
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Report: You Could Just Lose An Arm One Day appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame,…
Basic Woman’s Entire Personality Revolves Around Things She Enjoys
Read MoreThe OnionNORFOLK, VA—Rolling their eyes at her mindless embrace of that which brings her happiness in life, sources confirmed…