Tips For Embracing Single Life
Read MoreThe OnionDespite stereotypes that unpartnered people are lonely or unhappy, being single doesn’t have to be a burden. The…
Category: The Onion
New Evidence Suggests Humans Developed Written Language To Avoid Breaking Up In Person
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Noting that early humans’ aversion to confrontation played a critical role in their evolution, a new study published…
Mysterious Tar Balls Washing Up On Florida Beaches
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Coast Guard has been searching for tar balls that began showing up on South Florida beaches,…
Reptile Handler At Birthday Party Ruthlessly Heckled By 6-Year-Old For Showing Amphibian
Read MoreThe OnionCLEVELAND—Interrupting the man mere seconds after he removed a Japanese clouded salamander from its cage, local 6-year-old Matthew…
Rising Egg Prices Prompt More Americans To Raise Chickens In Backyard
Read MoreThe OnionThe skyrocketing price of eggs have caused some shoppers to consider keeping their own backyard laying hens, though…
STIs: Myth Vs. Fact
Read MoreThe OnionSexually transmitted infections, also known as STIs or STDs, affect millions of Americans every year. The Onion debunks…
Man Allows All Cookies So Website Won’t Be Mad At Him
Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—Saying he was more than willing to go along with the request to avoid conflict, local internet user…
Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man’s Life That Not Giving Him Cancer
Read MoreThe OnionSPARTA, OH—Setting itself apart as a uniquely innocuous object, a wooden spoon is the only thing in local…
Dunkin’ Pastries Included In Massive Recall
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled about 2 million baked goods sold nationwide, including some doughnuts and…
Musk Signals Willingness To Bid More Than $97 Billion To Acquire Respect
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Stressing that he was open to going far higher to close the deal, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced…