Category: The Onion

       The post Cold As ICE appeared first on The Onion.    The post Cold As ICE appeared first on The…

       WICHITA, KS—Admitting that the tempting dried fruit would ruin her figure, local grandmother Linda Donovan told reporters Friday that…

       KNOXVILLE, TN—In a development her family began referring to as a “stroke of luck,” local 81-year-old Gloria Martin reportedly died…

       LOW EARTH ORBIT—Saying the dreaded nightly ritual had quickly become his least favorite part of his mission, astronaut Dave…

       The post Fraternity Under Investigation After Forcing Pledges To Volunteer At Soup Kitchen appeared first on The Onion.    The…

       PROVIDENCE, RI—Shedding new light on the everyday life of citizens during the Industrial Revolution, historians at Brown University concluded…

       The post Vince Lombardi Trophy Clanking Around In Trunk Of Roger Goodell’s Car appeared first on The Onion.    The…

       Sales of an AI-enabled plush teddy bear were suspended after it was found to have given children explicit sexual…

       According to a new AAA report, a record number of Americans plan to travel 50 miles or more for…

       WASHINGTON—In an attempt to dispel rumors of an affair during the 2024 presidential campaign, Health and Human Services Secretary…