Category: The Onion

       SIOUX CITY, IA—Making the dire prediction shortly after being terminated for substandard work, marketing analyst Ryan Bronson, who was…

       Gallup will stop tracking presidential job approval ratings after 88 years, saying the decision reflects “an evolution in how…

       WASHINGTON—Declaring that athletes who had disgraced their country with a poor performance needed to be dealt with in the…

       WASHINGTON—In a new claim challenging traditional pediatric norms regarding infant safety, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy…

       VERNON HILLS, IL—Lacking the ability to transform her father’s personality to the same extent as his leather couch or…

       PREDAZZO, ITALY—Calling the incident a flagrant violation of both the rules of the event and the fundamental constants of…

       WASHINGTON—Praising the tireless efforts of the hundreds of agents who worked around the clock on the case, FBI director…

       FORT MYERS, FL—Arriving in their nicest cleats, freshly oiled gloves, and carefully applied eye black in hopes of dazzling…

       The U.S. economy experienced almost zero job growth in 2025, with the Bureau of Labor Statistics data indicating that…

       WASHINGTON—Hailing the move as a more wholesome and patriotic substitute for the current U.S. territory, conservative advocacy group Turning Point USA announced Thursday that it was setting up an…