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Category: The Onion

DHS: ‘Daycare Workers Have Walked Freely in This Country For Far Too Long’
The Onion

DHS: ‘Daycare Workers Have Walked Freely in This Country For Far Too Long’

FinnNovember 6, 2025November 6, 2025

       WASHINGTON—Reaffirming the Trump administration’s promise to crack down on individuals providing supervision and instruction to youngsters across the United…

Fact-Checking Claims About Zohran Mamdani
The Onion

Fact-Checking Claims About Zohran Mamdani

FinnNovember 6, 2025November 6, 2025

       Democratic socialist Zohran Mamdani made history Tuesday night when he was elected the first Muslim mayor of New York…

Californians Approve Measure To Redraw ‘Garfield’
The Onion

Californians Approve Measure To Redraw ‘Garfield’

FinnNovember 6, 2025November 6, 2025

       SACRAMENTO, CA—Passing the Democrat-backed initiative with a resounding 60% of the vote, Californians overwhelmingly approved a ballot measure this…

I Bet Pedro Pascal Hates Parasocial Relationships
The Onion

I Bet Pedro Pascal Hates Parasocial Relationships

FinnNovember 6, 2025November 6, 2025

       Ever feel like you have a “special connection” with an artist? Like if the two of you could only…

Woman Mistakenly Receives Box Of Human Hands, Fingers
The Onion

Woman Mistakenly Receives Box Of Human Hands, Fingers

FinnNovember 5, 2025

       A Kentucky woman who was expecting a delivery of medicine instead mistakenly received a box containing severed human hands…

Pros And Cons Of A 3rd Trump Term
The Onion

Pros And Cons Of A 3rd Trump Term

FinnNovember 5, 2025November 5, 2025

       Last week, President Trump discussed the possibility of running for a third term in 2028, despite the 22nd Amendment’s…

Trump Imposes 25% Tariff On Chinese-Made Trump Products
The Onion

Trump Imposes 25% Tariff On Chinese-Made Trump Products

FinnNovember 5, 2025

       WASHINGTON—In an attempt to stop U.S. markets from being flooded with foreign-made campaign merchandise and other licensed items promoting…

Soot-Covered Prince Andrew Begging On Street For Child To Molest
The Onion

Soot-Covered Prince Andrew Begging On Street For Child To Molest

FinnNovember 4, 2025November 4, 2025

       LONDON—Shivering and rubbing his hands together as he attempted to stay warm, a ragged, soot-covered former Prince Andrew was…

Study: 20% Of Urinary Tract Infections Caused By Contaminated Meat
The Onion

Study: 20% Of Urinary Tract Infections Caused By Contaminated Meat

FinnNovember 3, 2025

       A new study found that about one in five urinary tract infections can be traced to E. coli-contaminated meat.…

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’
The Onion

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’

FinnNovember 3, 2025November 3, 2025

       The post Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’ appeared first…

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