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Category: The Onion

Vince Lombardi Trophy Clanking Around In Trunk Of Roger Goodell’s Car
The Onion

Vince Lombardi Trophy Clanking Around In Trunk Of Roger Goodell’s Car

FinnNovember 25, 2025

       The post Vince Lombardi Trophy Clanking Around In Trunk Of Roger Goodell’s Car appeared first on The Onion.    The…

AI-Enabled Teddy Bear Pulled From Shelves For Giving Advice On BDSM, Where To Find Knives
The Onion

AI-Enabled Teddy Bear Pulled From Shelves For Giving Advice On BDSM, Where To Find Knives

FinnNovember 24, 2025

       Sales of an AI-enabled plush teddy bear were suspended after it was found to have given children explicit sexual…

Thanksgiving Travel By The Numbers
The Onion

Thanksgiving Travel By The Numbers

FinnNovember 24, 2025

       According to a new AAA report, a record number of Americans plan to travel 50 miles or more for…

RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi
The Onion

RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi

FinnNovember 24, 2025

       WASHINGTON—In an attempt to dispel rumors of an affair during the 2024 presidential campaign, Health and Human Services Secretary…

Horse Carefully Assesses Potential Mate For Also Being Horse
The Onion

Horse Carefully Assesses Potential Mate For Also Being Horse

FinnNovember 24, 2025

       BELCHERTOWN, MA—Cautiously eyeing up a nearby mare in what barnyard sources described as a mixture of flirtation and guarded…

Australian Prisoner Sues For Right To Eat Vegemite
The Onion

Australian Prisoner Sues For Right To Eat Vegemite

FinnNovember 22, 2025

       An inmate in Australia is suing over a ban on prisoners eating Vegemite, arguing that forbidding the yeast-based spread…

Shedeur Sanders Confident He Can Deliver Everything Browns Fans Have Come To Expect
The Onion

Shedeur Sanders Confident He Can Deliver Everything Browns Fans Have Come To Expect

FinnNovember 21, 2025

       CLEVELAND—Saying he was ready to carry on the legacy forged by Cody Kessler, Dorian Thompson-Robinson, and dozens of other…

Religiosity In U.S. Drops To Lowest On Record
The Onion

Religiosity In U.S. Drops To Lowest On Record

FinnNovember 21, 2025

       A new Gallup poll found that fewer than half of Americans now say religion is important in their daily…

Alligator Alcatraz By The Numbers
The Onion

Alligator Alcatraz By The Numbers

FinnNovember 21, 2025

       Alligator Alcatraz, a massive migrant detention center in Florida’s Everglades, has been plagued by reports of inhumane conditions and…

Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office
The Onion

Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office

FinnNovember 20, 2025

       The post Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office appeared first on The Onion.    The post Gifted Khashoggi Head…

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