Category: The Onion

       SAN FRANCISCO—Heralding what it called a “bold new age” in warping the mind of the nation’s elderly leader, OpenAI…

       A study published in Science found that a bonobo named Kanzi could play along when researchers offered him invisible…

       The post Luge Gold Medalist Probably Main Luge Guy Now appeared first on The Onion.    The post Luge Gold…

       The post Keys, Spare Change Fly Out Of Luge Athlete’s Pocket On First Turn appeared first on The Onion.…

       Internal Department of Homeland Security documents revealed that less than 14% of the nearly 400,000 immigrants arrested by U.S.…

       BOSTON—In a move hailed as a breakthrough for round-the-clock gambling, sports betting company DraftKings announced Tuesday that users would…

       OWENSBORO, KY—Insisting that the Winter Olympic sport was “basically just lying there and letting gravity happen,” local man Michael…

       CHICAGO—Seeking to expand beyond sports coverage into radical new forms and expressions, Barstool Sports announced Monday that it would…

       WASHINGTON—Advising her that even the most basic gesture of contrition would solve all her problems instantly, lawmakers reminded convicted…

       The Department of Homeland Security warned that the use of toxins, such as ricin and cyanide, to poison domestic…