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Category: The Onion

‘No! Not Larry Summers!’ Wails Devastated Nation 
The Onion

‘No! Not Larry Summers!’ Wails Devastated Nation 

FinnNovember 13, 2025

       WASHINGTON—Responding to recent revelations suggesting the prominent economist was a close associate of the late child sex trafficker Jeffrey…

Scientists Confirm Aurora Borealis Will Be Visible On Google Images Tonight
The Onion

Scientists Confirm Aurora Borealis Will Be Visible On Google Images Tonight

FinnNovember 13, 2025

       BOULDER, CO—Stressing that it represented an ideal opportunity to see one of nature’s greatest wonders, scientists at the NOAA…

Farmers’ Almanac Ceases Publication
The Onion

Farmers’ Almanac Ceases Publication

FinnNovember 13, 2025

       The 208-year-old publication Farmers’ Almanac, not to be confused with the more famous Old Farmers’ Almanac, will cease publication…

Sarah Carney
The Onion

Sarah Carney

FinnNovember 13, 2025

       Sarah Carney, 64, died peacefully last weekend. In lieu of flowers, the family asks if you would mind picking…

Japan Deploys Troops To Combat Deadly Bear Attacks
The Onion

Japan Deploys Troops To Combat Deadly Bear Attacks

FinnNovember 12, 2025

       Japan deployed troops into its northern rural regions to combat a surge in bear attacks that has already killed…

Study Finds Most Americans Can’t Find Where They Are Being Deported On Map
The Onion

Study Finds Most Americans Can’t Find Where They Are Being Deported On Map

FinnNovember 12, 2025

       The post Study Finds Most Americans Can’t Find Where They Are Being Deported On Map appeared first on The…

Sister Insanely Letting 98-Year-Old Grandma Hold Newborn
The Onion

Sister Insanely Letting 98-Year-Old Grandma Hold Newborn

FinnNovember 12, 2025

       GUILFORD, CT—Watching in horror as he silently calculated whether he would be able to dive and catch the dropped…

Friend Being Cagey About What She’s Going To Order
The Onion

Friend Being Cagey About What She’s Going To Order

FinnNovember 11, 2025

       EVANSTON, IL—After casually asking what she was thinking about getting, patrons at a local restaurant confirmed Tuesday that a…

Trump Threatens To Sue BBC Over Misleading Edit Of ‘The Vicar Of Dibley’ 
The Onion

Trump Threatens To Sue BBC Over Misleading Edit Of ‘The Vicar Of Dibley’ 

FinnNovember 10, 2025

       LONDON—In response to what his lawyers characterized as “a reckless and defamatory misrepresentation” of the beloved ’90s sitcom about…

EPA To Monarch Butterflies: ‘Count Your Fucking Days’
The Onion

EPA To Monarch Butterflies: ‘Count Your Fucking Days’

FinnNovember 10, 2025

       WASHINGTON—Amid a series of sudden actions overhauling landmark federal conservation regulations, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a public statement…

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