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Events

WHEN TRAP BUMPS INTO R&B ON A ROOFTOP TRYING TO BE LIT

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Attention, party animals! 🐒 Join us for the most epic rooftop bash in Atlanta! 🎉 Dance like no one’s watching,…

Valentine’s Day Co-Op Games For Couples—Because Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like Arguing Over Who’s Holding the Controller
Breaking, Movie News

Valentine’s Day Co-Op Games For Couples—Because Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like Arguing Over Who’s Holding the Controller

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you’re panicking because you haven’t planned anything special for your significant other. Don’t worry,…

States Prep to Hijack Supreme Court’s Redistricting Ruling as Midterms Clock Ticks Down
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

States Prep to Hijack Supreme Court’s Redistricting Ruling as Midterms Clock Ticks Down

Big ElephantFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Deep State Plot to Kill Voting Rights Act! Liberal Judges Trying to Rig Elections for Democrats! Hold onto your MAGA…

Zelensky Drops Bombshell at Munich: Putin’s Life Support is Apparently War
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Zelensky Drops Bombshell at Munich: Putin’s Life Support is Apparently War

Big ElephantFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Oh, look! Zelensky is back with his sad slideshow of “Russia bad” at the Munich Security Conference. Because nothing says…

NANCY WILSON’S LAST HEART ALBUM: THE VICTORY LAP BEGINS IN 2027 (BECAUSE 2026 WAS TOO SOON)
HEART's Nancy Wilson: "I've Got Songs, But I'm Also Tired of Sleeping on Tour Buses"
Breaking, Music News

NANCY WILSON’S LAST HEART ALBUM: THE VICTORY LAP BEGINS IN 2027 (BECAUSE 2026 WAS TOO SOON)

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

In a shocking twist that absolutely no one saw coming, HEART guitarist Nancy Wilson has revealed she’s working on new…

Events

Lunar Lantern Festival – People Light Up the Sky with Thousands of Floating Lanterns Because Apparently the Moon Needs More Light

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Lunar Lantern Festival: Where Dreams Go Up in Smoke! Join us for the most environmentally questionable event of 2026! Watch…

Events

“Chocoholics Unite: NYC’s 2026 Salon du Chocolat Promises to Melt Your Wallet and Your Diet”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Attention, chocoholics! 🍫 Get ready for the most important event of your life (or at least your sweet tooth’s life)!…

“Power Hour: The Epic Saga of the Accounting Officer – Where Spreadsheets Meet Glory”
Events

“Power Hour: The Epic Saga of the Accounting Officer – Where Spreadsheets Meet Glory”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Attention, Accounting Officer Wannabes! 💼 Ready to master the art of bean-counting and bureaucracy? This “power hour” promises to unravel…

Events

SILENT DISCO @ DRAKE’S THE BARN: BECAUSE SHOUTING “TURN IT DOWN” IS SO 2023

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Sacramento’s SILENT DISCO at Drake’s The Barn: 3 music channels by H.E.R.E., ALORE, & Twelves Wax. FREE entry w/ RSVP!…

“Welcome to the Hormonal Circus: Neurodivergence Meets Midlife Burnout in a Spectacular Display of Chaos”
Events

“Welcome to the Hormonal Circus: Neurodivergence Meets Midlife Burnout in a Spectacular Display of Chaos”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 13, 2026

🚨 Neurodivergent Women, Your Brain Is Staging a Midlife Revolt! 🚨 Ever feel like your brain suddenly went on strike?…

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Latest posts

  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Alien Invasion Film Ever Because Steven Spielberg is Finally Going to Reveal the Truth About Earrings and Fashion Disasters from the 80s in Disclosure Day
  • Fake news ABC whines about Trump’s FCC crushing liberal broadcast thugs
  • Buckethead in Charlotte, NC (05/28/2026)
  • Get Ready for the Most Epic R&B Party on a Rooftop That Will Probably End with a Noise Complaint and a Visit from the Police
  • OH JOY Another Has Been from the 80s is Desperately Trying to be Relevant Again with Their Super Original Sounding Solo Album Called Dirty Foot Lane Wow What a Unique Title

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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