OMG 😱! The geriatric rock “band” PLUSH, fresh off their assisted living tour, just dropped a new “single” called “Why” 🙄. Apparently, it’s co-written and co-produced by PLUSH’s supreme overlord, Moriah Formica, along with DISTURBED’s very own drama king, David Draiman, and some dude named Johnny K. Sources say that after releasing a live album, PLUSH is now “exploring sonically” (whatever that means), while desperately clinging to their oh-so-unique hard rock sound that, let’s be honest, sounds like every other band in a dive bar on a Tuesday night. 🤣
Formica, channeling her inner philosopher, blathers: “We live in challenging times. That reality has often left me feeling deeply empty and hopeless.” Translation: “My avocado toast was cold this morning, and now I have to write a song about it.” 😭
She continues, waxing poetic about her collaboration with Draiman and Johnny K: “Writing this with David Draiman was an amazing experience. It was also special to co-produce with Johnny K, who was instrumental in helping to launch DISTURBED and PLUSH, so there was a familiar energy throughout the process.” Translation: “David promised me clout, and Johnny makes a mean cup of coffee. ☕”
Get ready to witness PLUSH on the “Edge Of Destruction” tour this summer, sponsored by Depends. 🧷 The band will be gracing the U.S. with their presence, starting on July 18 in New Bedford, Massachusetts, at The Vault (because that’s where their careers are headed). The “Edge Of Destruction” tour limps through September, culminating in Hampton, New Hampshire, on September 25 at Wally’s. Apparently, PLUSH also offers meet-and-greets for the tour, so you can get up close and personal with their… talent? 🤢
PLUSH, a “rock band” (air quotes necessary), claims their mission is to bring rock back to the forefront of the music industry. I’m pretty sure rock is doing just fine without them. The band is composed of “talented young women,” ranging from ages 20 to 23, whose accomplishments and talent supposedly eclipse their age. I’m sure their parents are very proud. PLUSH is fronted by singer, songwriter, and guitarist Moriah Formica, and is rounded out by bassist Ashley Suppa and drummer Faith Powell. You know, the usual.
Last month, guitarist Bella Perron, the only one with any sense, bailed on PLUSH, claiming in a social media statement that “the morals of the band and affiliated parties do not align with my own, and I feel it is best to take a step away.” Translation: “I couldn’t handle the cringe anymore.” 🚶♀️ The remaining members of PLUSH, clearly devastated, issued a separate statement saying that they “learned of Bella‘s departure the same way you did: from social media. Though we are absolutely heartbroken and shocked by the news, we wish her the best in her future endeavors.” Translation: “Good riddance! More stage space for us!” 😈
PLUSH also tried to justify the lyrical inspiration for “Why” after getting roasted online for collaborating with Draiman, who has strong opinions. They bleated: “The anger, divisiveness, and speculation within the past 24 hours over the announcement of our new single is the reason behind why the song was written.” Translation: “We needed to deflect from the fact that we’re trying to stay relevant by attaching ourselves to controversy.” 🤡
“‘Why’ is about the importance of unity in the face of oppression and hatred.” Translation: “Please buy our song so we can afford better hair dye.” 👩🎤
“This song is not political. It is not about war, religion, or erasing anybody’s perspective or opinions. PLUSH welcomes all different types of beliefs and perspectives in our band and in our fan base. We will continue to use our platform to stand AGAINST hate towards any race, sexuality, gender, or religion.” Translation: “We’re just here for the money, so please don’t cancel us.” 🤑
“Our song was made to question the darkest sides of humanity and encourage you to educate yourself on the atrocities being committed around the world. Speak out for what you believe in. Stand up for those who don’t have a voice and stand for change. The future is in our hands.” Translation: “We watched a documentary once, so now we’re experts on everything.” 🤓
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
