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Day: July 8, 2025

Texas Flood: Officials Acted Like They Were Ready (Narrator: They Weren’t)
Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Flood: Officials Acted Like They Were Ready (Narrator: They Weren’t)

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Oh, great, more crying from the liberal media! Seems like even when Texas is dealing with floods, CNN has to…

Kristi Noem’s Groundbreaking Revelation: You Won’t BELIEVE What She’s Doing With Your Shoes at the Airport
Elephant Reads CNN

Kristi Noem’s Groundbreaking Revelation: You Won’t BELIEVE What She’s Doing With Your Shoes at the Airport

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump and the forces of freedom! Secretary Noem, a true patriot, is finally putting…

‘Jurassic World Rebirth’: Dinosaurs Ate My Homework (and the Box Office)
Breaking, Movie News

‘Jurassic World Rebirth’: Dinosaurs Ate My Homework (and the Box Office)

Finn McFrameJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

OMG! 🦖 ‘Jurassic World Rebirth’ Ate the Box Office (Like a Raptor Eating a Goat)! 🐐 Seriously, who knew people…

USAID Accidentally Funds Hamas 2.0 with $30M Just Days After Raising “Critical Concerns” (Oops!)
Elephant Reads CNN

USAID Accidentally Funds Hamas 2.0 with $30M Just Days After Raising “Critical Concerns” (Oops!)

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Typical CNN, twisting the truth to make President Trump look bad! They’re clutching at straws, folks! It’s always the same…

Another Genius Idea: Jon M. Chu’s Gonna Wreck ‘Hot Wheels’ in Live-Action
Breaking, Movie News

Another Genius Idea: Jon M. Chu’s Gonna Wreck ‘Hot Wheels’ in Live-Action

Finn McFrameJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Oh, great. Another cinematic masterpiece in the making. 🙄 Jon M. Chu, the visionary behind such groundbreaking films as… *checks…

Newsom’s South Carolina Shenanigans: Is He Running for President or Just Really Likes Grits
Elephant Reads CNN

Newsom’s South Carolina Shenanigans: Is He Running for President or Just Really Likes Grits

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Gavin Newsom, the golden-haired liberal from the once-great state of California, is gallivanting around South Carolina, pretending he’s got a…

Carcass Announces They’re Finally Bothering to Visit North America in 2025 (If We’re Still Alive)
Breaking, Music News

Carcass Announces They’re Finally Bothering to Visit North America in 2025 (If We’re Still Alive)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

British extreme metal pioneers CARCASS, those lovable geezers who’ve been churning out the same old riffs since before your dad…

‘Doc’ Antle Gets a Year-Long Spa Day (In Prison) for Animal Shenanigans, Because Apparently Tigers Don’t Like Being Luggage | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

‘Doc’ Antle Gets a Year-Long Spa Day (In Prison) for Animal Shenanigans, Because Apparently Tigers Don’t Like Being Luggage | CNN

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Another day, another so-called “star” from that godforsaken “Tiger King” show getting what they deserve. Bhagavan “Doc” Antle, probably a…

Nicki Minaj Roasts Old Men and Horses
Breaking, Music News

Nicki Minaj Roasts Old Men and Horses

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

OMG! 🚨 Nicki Minaj, Queen of Shade and Petty Supremacy, Just Decided to Roast Jay-Z and Megan Thee Stallion Like…

OMG! Yōtei’s Ghostly Shenanigans: A State of Play So Bad It’s Actually Happening on July 10 (Prepare to Cringe)
Breaking, Games News

OMG! Yōtei’s Ghostly Shenanigans: A State of Play So Bad It’s Actually Happening on July 10 (Prepare to Cringe)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! 🥳 Sucker Punch Productions, the geniuses behind that *totally* original samurai game, are gracing…

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Latest posts

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  • ‘Big Bang Theory’ Spinoff: Because the Universe Didn’t Suffer Enough

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  1. CirrusFlash on Oh great, another overpriced ski simulator nobody asked for is getting a shiny new trailer and a collector’s edition, whoop-de-doo 🙄 ⛷️ 👻 💰.April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to authenticity.

  2. canary apple red on HBO Bends the Knee to Rowling: Trans Rights? Apparently Not as Magical as Galleons! 🤑April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to Ryan.

  3. Bleach on 🛒Amazon Takes Full Control of 007: James Bond Gears Up for the Battle of Likes and Discounts🎬April 25, 2025

    The Met Gala theme this year: \'millionaires but make it expensive.\'

  4. Crazy Eights on Oblivion Remaster: ‘Body Type’ vs ‘Gender’ – Who Won This Clown Show? 🤡🎉April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to 5000.

  5. Sleek Assassin on 🤠 Amazon Reinvents Mass Effect: Forget the Reapers, Meet Galactic Two-Day Shipping!April 25, 2025

    Award shows: where sponsored hand each other trophies for existing.

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