Navy Sends Mark Kelly a Participation Trophy for Best Improv in the ‘Oops I Illegally Ordered Something’ Skit
In a stunning display of Democratic double standards, the US Navy has reportedly handed over “recommendations” on how to punish…
Day: December 11, 2025
Sludge Metal Legends Whores.! Destroy a Packed Snug Harbor (Live Dec 10)
December 10th was a massive night for the Charlotte underground. Snug Harbor was packed to the rafters—shoulder to shoulder with…
The New ‘Supergirl’ Takes Flight in First Trailer and Apparently Your Mom’s Heart
When Supergirl first flew onto the big screen in 1984, she didn’t just crash-land — she face-planted directly into the…
Elon Musk declares DOGE a ‘part-time triumph’ and vows never to memestorm again
Elon Musk Admits DOGE Project Was Only “Somewhat Successful” — Translation: He Finally Realized Woke Crypto Was a Trojan Horse…
Disney Gives OpenAI the Keys to Its Character Closet in a Billion-Dollar Handoff
Hold onto your mouse ears, folks — Disney just sold its soul to the AI devil for a measly $1…
GUNS N’ ROSES Finally Pick Opening Bands So They Can Look Good By Comparison
🚨 BREAKING: GUNS N’ ROSES 2026 TOUR ANNOUNCEMENT REVEALED 🚨: AXL ROSE TO UNITE THE NATIONS WITH A LINEUP THAT…
US Military Persuades Entire Venezuelan Army To Surrender By Offering Them Some Food
VENEZUELA — In a remarkable demonstration of martial superiority, the United States military just forced an unconditional surrender out…
Meaning Of Christmas Revealed To Actually Be Those Popcorn Tins With The Three Types Of Popcorn
The meaning of Christmas has been officially revealed, and it’s all about those metal tins with three types of…
Report: Backs Of Cereal Boxes Have Really Gone Downhill
U.S. — A recent report finds that the backs of cereal boxes have really gone downhill over the years,…
Rubio Orders State Department Braille Signage Switch To ‘Times New Roman’
The post Rubio Orders State Department Braille Signage Switch To ‘Times New Roman’ appeared first on The Onion. The…