President Donald Trump signed the charter for his “Board of Peace” Thursday, establishing himself as presiding chairman of a new international body aimed at resolving global conflicts. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the organization.
Q: What is the board’s stated aim?
A: To finally end the impending threat of global cooperation.
Q: What is the organization’s first order of business?
A: To stabilize real estate markets in conflict-affected areas.
Q: How does one become a member?
A: Paying the $1 billion fee for permanent membership and submitting letters of recommendation from three different war criminals.
Q: Which countries have declined to join?
A: A handful of soon-to-be U.S. colonies.
Q: Can any sort of Board of Peace expect to be taken seriously without the inclusion of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair?
A: Don’t worry, he’s part of it!
Q: Will Israel join?
A: It would be rude to finish bulldozing Gaza without them.
Q: What will happen to the countries who do not participate?
A: They will be dealt with by the Board of War.
Q: Does the charter really make Trump chairman for the rest of his life?
A: Yes, Trump will remain chairman for the next few months.
Q: What would be the consequences of replacing the United Nations?
A: A 3% decrease in New York City traffic.
The post What To Know About Trump’s Board Of Peace appeared first on The Onion.
President Donald Trump signed the charter for his “Board of Peace” Thursday, establishing himself as presiding chairman of a new international body aimed at resolving global conflicts. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the organization. Q: What is the board’s stated aim? A: To finally end the impending threat of global cooperation.
The post What To Know About Trump’s Board Of Peace appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.