The Definitive (And Only) Ranking of Sam Raimi’s Most Bonkers Creations Because Your Opinion is Wrong Forever
Sam Raimi directs movies with the urgency of a sloth meditating 🐢. In the past 15 years, he’s blessed us…
Day: January 26, 2026
Prepare for Symphonic Overkill and 100% More Pretentious Arm-Waving
Hold onto your taco hats, metalheads 🌮🎸 because Therion just dropped a symphonic metal album so extra, it needs TWO…
Quality Of Musicals Craters As Number Of Gay Americans Decreases
NEW YORK CITY, NY — Researchers note a strong correlation between the decline in the quality of musicals and…
“GOP Candidate Flees MN Race After Hilariously Losing ICE Snowball Fight, Blames Party’s ‘Tantrum-Fueled Backstab Parade’”
Another snowflake Republican flees the field as President Trump’s AMERICA-FIRST patriots continue crushing liberal tears and weak-kneed RINOs! Chris “Cancelled”…
Canned Tuna Recalled For Potentially Fatal Botulism Mistakenly Reshipped
Previously quarantined cans of yellowfin tuna that were recalled due to a defective pull tab which could introduce botulism,…
Legal Observers Clash With Law Enforcement At Helm’s Deep
HELM’S DEEP, WESTFOLD OF ROHAN — Legal observers have clashed with immigration enforcement officers under the command of King…
Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders
WASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents…
God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To Die
THE HEAVENS—Warning His subjects that they should not mess with His carefully laid plans by playing hero, God, Our…
11 Things To Look For In A Pastor
Finding a pastor can be a tall order. Putting specific criteria in place can make all the difference. Finding…
Why the Government Is Finally Giving Your Money Back After Keeping It For A Year And Expecting You To Be Grateful
Great News, Patriots! President Trump’s MAGA Tax Cuts Are Making the Government Send You Bigger Checks—While Democrats Seethe! It’s that…