Ozzfest 2027 somehow still happening with one day of tolerable music
In a shocking turn of events, Jack Osbourne, the son of the Prince of Darkness himself, Ozzy Osbourne, has confirmed…
Month: August 2026
Ricky Warwick somehow still employed despite releasing more solo music
Oh boy, are you guys ready for some news that will change your life forever? 🤯 I mean, it’s not…
Trump Builds Something, Somehow Still Has Money Left Over
Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about President Trump’s latest project, and I have to say, it’s a doozy.…
Young-Earth Creationist Has No Explanation For Fact That Nancy Pelosi Is 12,000 Years Old
   PETERSBURG, KY — A local young-earth creationist is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after realizing he has no…
Neil Young and Willie Nelson Team Up for September Concerts
Neil Young and Willie Nelson are joining forces in late September for a pair of co-headlining shows with special guest…
Dexter and the Moonrocks Drop New Album Friends That I Don’t Like
Dexter and the Moonrocks have announced their debut album, Friends That I Don’t Like, out on October 2nd. They’ve also…
Down Unveils New Album Volume V And Single Blood Oath
Down have announced their new album, Volume V, set to arrive November 20th via Nuclear Blast Records. Ahead of its…
‘Harry Potter’ Fans Force Relocation Of Undersea Cable To Avoid Fictional Elf’s Grave
      Harry Potter fans forced the relocation of a multi-hundred million dollar undersea power cable they claimed would disturb the…
Congressman’s Staffer Alleges Boss Got A Little Too Handsy Apparently
Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama in Washington, and I’ve got to say, this one’s…
ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social on specific date
The Orange Oracle has spoken, and the nation is once again abuzz with excitement and trepidation. In the latest TRANSMISSION…