Well, folks, it’s happened. The gaming industry has finally hit the point where your camera can be shamed for bad behavior. Stellar Blade’s latest patch, Update 1.009, has gamers clutching their metaphorical pearls (or controllers) as a groundbreaking new feature punishes players for trying to get a little too close to the game’s protagonist, Eve. Gone are the days of carefree virtual ogling — welcome to 2024, where even cameras need consent. 🙃
The controversial update introduces a mechanic where, if players attempt to sneak a peek under Eve’s skirt, the camera is violently pushed away by the character herself, accompanied by a dramatic screen shake. For those hoping this was just a quirky bug — nope. Developers have confirmed that it’s intentional. According to sources, this mechanic was «inspired» by a similar feature in Nier : Replicant, where Kaine would kick the camera away if players got too nosy. Nostalgic homage or creative plagiarism? The internet is debating — but let’s face it, nobody’s debating nicely.
A Patch to Save Humanity or a Fad That’ll Die by the Next Update ?
Of course, the Twitterverse (or X-verse for the Elon enthusiasts) exploded with commentary. Some users hailed this as a progressive step toward respecting women in games, tweeting things like :
«Finally, a game that doesn’t pander to the male gaze ! 🫶 Bravo, devs!»
Others were, let’s say, less enthusiastic :
«Next update, Eve will come out of the screen and slap you for mansplaining!»
The true pièce de résistance came when a particularly creative troll photoshopped a green-haired, plus-sized Eve wearing Crocs and wielding a tofu sword, captioned :
«Stellar Blade 2 : Revenge of the SJWs»
But let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Did this change come purely from artistic innovation, or were the devs cornered by those ever-dreaded «special interest groups» ? Unverified «reliable sources» (aka someone’s cousin’s uncle who works in QA) claim feminist activists deemed the skirt-peeking mechanic « outrageously degrading. » Of course, this raises the obvious question : Who even «noticed» this feature in the first place ? Asking for a friend.
What’s Next ? Skirts, Screens, and a Feminist Takeover
As if banning virtual voyeurism wasn’t enough, rumors are swirling about the next patch. According to completely unconfirmed but highly entertaining speculation, skirts may be removed from the game altogether. Eve will reportedly receive a new «empowered» design : green hair, dad jeans, and a BMI worthy of the Renaissance. Don’t forget — her dialogue is also being rewritten to include daily affirmations and quotes from bell hooks.
Naturally, the gaming community is thrilled. One sarcastic Steam review reads :
«10 / 10, can’t wait for Eve to shame me for my male privilege in 4K Ultra HD.»
Still, one has to wonder : is this what the developers envisioned when they began working on a futuristic action-RPG about saving humanity ? Or have they simply bowed to the whims of an audience that — let’s be honest — probably wasn’t going to play the game anyway ?
The Verdict : Fun Police or Evolution in Gaming ?
At the heart of this uproar lies a deeper question : What is the role of player freedom in games? Should developers have the right to «punish» curious players for engaging in what has always been a harmless bit of Easter egg hunting ? Or is this mechanic a clever, meta-joke meant to parody its own audience ?
For now, one thing is certain : Stellar Blade has become a battleground, not between humanity and alien invaders, but between two warring ideologies. And much like the in-game camera, the rest of us are stuck being jerked around in the chaos.
Stay tuned for Patch 1.010, where Eve files a restraining order against the player. 👀
