MILFORD, MA—Wincing at the blast of guttural sobs erupting from the speaker as she picked up, local woman Anna Higgins reportedly threw herself on a grenade Tuesday by answering a phone call from her dysregulated friend. “I’m so sorry, Jennifer—it must be really hard to get dumped so soon after you stopped taking your antidepressants,” said Higgins, who immediately regretted answering the phone despite it being her turn to act as a human shield between her friend group and the highly unstable woman said to be capable of inflicting severe distress over a wide impact radius with her drama. “Oh wow, I can’t believe how many problems you have in all areas of your life. The other people are the crazy ones. It’s definitely not you! And sure, attempting to get back together with the guy who once stole and crashed your car sounds like a great idea.” At the end of the multihour conversation, sources confirmed that an exhausted Higgins again put herself directly in the line of fire by asking her dysregulated friend if she’d like to meet up for dinner soon.
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MILFORD, MA—Wincing at the blast of guttural sobs erupting from the speaker as she picked up, local woman Anna Higgins reportedly threw herself on a grenade Tuesday by answering a phone call from her dysregulated friend. “I’m so sorry, Jennifer—it must be really hard to get dumped so soon after you stopped taking your antidepressants,”
The post Woman Throws Self On Grenade By Answering Call From Dysregulated Friend appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.