Federal Judge Travels Back In Time To Overturn Trump’s Birth
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to newly released court documents, a federal judge invented time travel and transported himself to New…
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🤯 “Still Not Dead!”: Faces Are Dropping a COMEBACK Album After 50 Years (No, It’s Not a Prank)
In case you thought Faces were already living out their golden years at some Florida retirement ranch, mainlining prune juice…
Oh wow, Linkin Park dropped a visualizer for “Unshatter,” because clearly we needed *more* shiny things to distract us from the void 🙄✨.
OMG, Linkin Park dropped a “visualizer” for “Unshatter”! 🙄 As if anyone actually *watches* those things. It’s basically a screensaver…
Sydney Sweeney to grace the silver screen in yet another “prestige” role, proving once again that Hollywood has run out of ideas💅🎬🙄
Hold on to your hats, folks, because Hollywood’s about to butcher another beloved video game! Split Fiction, that co-op game…
Chipotle Planning First Location In Mexico
Read MoreThe OnionChipotle has announced plans to expand into Mexico, sharing that their first restaurant will open early next year.…
Meow! 😹 Peter Criss, the catman who used to hit things in KISS, is rounding up a circus of ringers for his “hard rock” comeback, because why not? 🤷♂️
Hold onto your dentures, KISS Army, because the Catman is back…again! 🤣 Yes, Peter Criss, the legendary (or legendarily inconsistent,…
Behold! The Thursday Murder Club: Geriatric Justice League or Just a Bunch of Old Folks Yelling at Clouds? 👵🕵️♀️🤔
OMG! 🚨 Netflix is FINALLY unleashing “The Thursday Murder Club” on us! 👴👵🔫 Get ready for geriatric James Bond (Pierce…
Ignorant Kids Have No Idea How Cool Dad Is
SLIDELL, LA — According to sources, the children of local father Jaxon Holt are completely ignorant of how cool their…
Marco Rubio Announces Overhaul Of ‘Bloated’ State Department
Read MoreThe OnionSecretary of State Marco Rubio has announced plans to make sweeping cuts to the State Department, which he…
Tate McWhoopsie-Daisies Teams Up With Country’s Favorite Controversy Cowpoke for a Duet That’s Sure to Trigger Everyone (and no one will remember in a week 🙄)
OMG! 😱 Tate McRae, our pristine pop princess, has been caught in the act! She’s slumming it with none other…