Hero: Illinois Governor Vows To Eat An Extra-Large Deep-Dish Meat Lover’s Pizza Every Day Until Trump Is Stopped
SPRINGFIELD, IL — Illinois governor Jay Robert Pritzker has taken a firm stance against Trump’s recent deportations by vowing to…
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Study: No One Born In U.S. For Past 5 Years
Read MoreThe OnionATLANTA—According to a new study published Tuesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, not a single…
10 Ways Deporting Illegal Immigrants Will Devastate The U.S.
As wonderful as the “New Golden Age” has been the past week, it’s now painfully evident that President Trump’s immigration…
Democrats Once Again Concerned About Who Will Pick Their Crops
U.S. — With heated debate taking place across the country over President Donald Trump’s initiative to carry out mass deportations…
Study Finds 4 In 10 Americans Could Develop Dementia After 55
Read MoreThe OnionA study published in the journal Nature Medicine found that about a million Americans a year are expected…
Chiefs Accused Of Rigging Games By Playing Better Than The Other Teams
KANSAS CITY, MO — Continuing a season-long trend following Sunday’s AFC Championship Game, the Kansas City Chiefs were accused of…
Exhausted Media Begs Trump To Take A Day Off
U.S. — Only one week into the new administration and struggling to keep up with the constant flow of things…
Doom Launched on Joe Biden’s Brain! 🎮🧠 A Presidential Port Like No Other!
In a groundbreaking moment for both gaming and biohacking, the legendary shooter «Doom» has been successfully ported to an unexpected…
Phew: Trump Announces Immigrants Working Taco Trucks Can Stay
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation breathed a sigh of collective relief today as Trump announced that any immigrant working a…