Manslaughter Honked At
The post Manslaughter Honked At appeared first on The Onion. The post Manslaughter Honked At appeared first on The…
Category: The Onion
Alex Honnold Successfully Free Solos Taipei 101 Skyscraper
Climber Alex Honnold successfully scaled the Taipei 101 skyscraper, the 11th tallest in the world, without a harness, ropes,…
‘Dad’s Under A Lot Of Pressure At Work,’ Says Woman Of Husband Who Spends Half Day Playing ‘Clash Of Clans’
TACOMA, WA—Urging her kids to cut their dad some slack amid the added stressors of his work life, area…
Police Ask For Public’s Help In Falsifying Report
The post Police Ask For Public’s Help In Falsifying Report appeared first on The Onion. The post Police Ask…
Dove Finally Admits Some People Ugly
HOBOKEN, NJ—In a major shift from the company’s decades-long focus on inner beauty, personal care product brand Dove finally…
Peter Barnell
Services for Peter Barnell, 72, will be held Friday. The family asks that each attendee take home a portion…
Canned Tuna Recalled For Potentially Fatal Botulism Mistakenly Reshipped
Previously quarantined cans of yellowfin tuna that were recalled due to a defective pull tab which could introduce botulism,…
Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders
WASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents…
God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To Die
THE HEAVENS—Warning His subjects that they should not mess with His carefully laid plans by playing hero, God, Our…
Sean McDermott Expresses Gratitude To The People, If You Want To Call Them That, Of Buffalo
BUFFALO, NY—Giving thanks for the hospitality shown to him and his family throughout his tenure with the team, recently…