Pirates Under Fire For Directly Marketing Team To Children
Read MoreThe OnionPITTSBURGH—Detailing the harmful, long-term effects of early exposure to the ball club’s dismal on-field product, parents and child…
Category: The Onion
What To Know About ‘Weapons’
Read MoreThe OnionWeapons, a new horror film from the director of Barbarian, topped the box office on its opening weekend.…
Poll Finds Americans Still Believe Greatest Threat To Public Health The Undertaker
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Shedding new light on the widespread dissemination of misinformation, the Pew Research Center released a new poll Friday…
DHS Offers $1,000 Stipend To Migrants Who Voluntarily Self-Destruct
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an ambitious new effort targeting undocumented immigrants, the Department of Homeland Security announced this week that it would begin offering a…
Frito-Lay CEO Gifts Trump Gold Funyun
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In a gesture many critics have decried as yet another blatant bribe to secure favorable regulatory treatment, Frito-Lay CEO Steven…
RFK Jr. Mandates All Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Claiming the luminous potion would make the nation strong and vigorous, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F.…
Artist Profile: Alex Warren
Read MoreThe OnionAlex Warren’s “Ordinary” has held the number one spot on the Billboard Hot 100 for the ninth week…
Danish Zoo Asks For Donated Pets To Feed To Carnivores
Read MoreThe OnionA zoo in northern Denmark asked pet owners to donate healthy animals such as chickens, rabbits, guinea pigs,…
Space For The Whole Family
Read MoreThe OnionYour in-laws will feel right at home insisting that this cozy one-bedroom condo is big enough to host…
Alan Dershowitz Sues Farmers Market Vendor For Refusing To Sell Him Child
Read MoreThe OnionWEST TISBURY, MA—Following through on his threat of legal action, civil liberties lawyer Alan Dershowitz confirmed Monday that…