Trump Boys Beg Father To Let Them Keep Homeless Man As Pet
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Running into several White House staff members as they tried to sneak their new friend inside, the Trump…
Category: The Onion
Mailman Too Old To Be Out There
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Mailman Too Old To Be Out There appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical…
Study Finds Ultra-Processed Foods Make Up Over 50% Of Americans’ Thoughts
Read MoreThe OnionBALTIMORE—Identifying a disturbing behavioral trend likely to have profound health consequences, a study published Wednesday by researchers at…
Couple So Wealthy They Have Own Live-In Children
Read MoreThe OnionWESTFIELD, MA—Saying they had never seen such an ostentatious display, friends attending a barbecue yesterday at the home…
Texas Blocks Law That Would Ban Gun Stores From Operating Inside Psych Wards
Read MoreThe OnionAUSTIN, TX—Touting the party-line vote as a major victory for the Second Amendment, the Texas House of Representatives successfully blocked a…
Microsoft Employees Protest Company’s Ties To Israel
Read MoreThe OnionFollowing reports the company let the Israeli military use its cloud servers to carry out mass surveillance of…
8,500-Year-Old Settlement Lost To Rising Sea Discovered Off Denmark’s Coast
Read MoreThe OnionIn Denmark’s Bay of Aarhus, archaeologists have discovered an 8,500-year-old Stone Age settlement that has been preserved like…
Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside
Read MoreThe OnionSPARTANBURG, SC—Introducing a new promotion that will be available to both adults and children at its restaurants nationwide,…
Florida Orders Cities To Remove Rainbow Crosswalks
Read MoreThe OnionThe Florida Department of Transportation has ordered Miami Beach and at least eight other cities to remove rainbow-colored…
California Resident Tests Positive For The Plague
Read MoreThe OnionAfter a California resident tested positive for bubonic plague, likely contracted from a flea bite while camping, local…