Study Finds Revving Corvette Outside Her Office Best Way To Show Ex What She’s Missing
Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—In a new study conducted to examine the effects of high-octane vehicles on getting her back once and…
Category: The Onion
AARP Wondering If Anyone Will Notice Kathy Bates On Cover For 9th Issue In Row
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Cautiously optimistic that the trend would continue to arouse no suspicions from readers, executives at AARP reportedly wondered…
Mitch McConnell Won’t Seek Reelection In 2026
Read MoreThe OnionRepublican Senator Mitch McConnell announced that he won’t seek reelection next year, ending a decades-long tenure as a…
Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…
Scientists Confirm Shingleback Lizards Only Reptiles That Mate For Sake Of Aging Mothers
Read MoreThe OnionITHACA, NY—Noting that the evolutionary quirk results in plenty of familial strife, herpetologists at Cornell University confirmed Tuesday…
Virtually Imperceptible Facial Expression Sends Shock Wave Through ‘White Lotus’ Fan Base
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—With thousands flocking to social media to discuss a scene from the popular HBO series in which…
Elon Musk Holds Office-Wide Contest To Guess How Many Sperm In Cup
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an attempt to raise morale by providing a fun yet challenging activity for employees of the U.S.…
KFC Leaves Kentucky
Read MoreThe OnionKFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, is leaving its namesake state, moving its corporate headquarters to Plano,…
Tips For Getting Involved At Your Child’s School
Read MoreThe OnionServing as a parent volunteer is a great way to bolster your child’s education as well as give…
Democratic Leaders Stand Real Still In Hopes No One Notices Them
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With the elected officials trying their hardest not to move a muscle, reports confirmed Monday that top Democratic…