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Aaaaaaaah! More Like Aaaaaaaagh! My Eyes! (10th Anniversary Re-Release)
Breaking, Movie News

Aaaaaaaah! More Like Aaaaaaaagh! My Eyes! (10th Anniversary Re-Release)

FinnAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

Tickets are now on sale for what is possibly the most intellectual cinematic masterpiece of our time, nay, of all…

Finally, a Date for That Ebony & Ivory Thing No One Asked For
Breaking, Movie News

Finally, a Date for That Ebony & Ivory Thing No One Asked For

FinnAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

Anti-Worlds, bless their cotton socks, will be unleashing Jim Hosking’s latest cinematic masterpiece (or dumpster fire, jury’s still out 👨‍⚖️)…

Retail Sales Surge Like a Drunk Uncle at a Wedding, Up 0.5%
Elephant Reads CNN

Retail Sales Surge Like a Drunk Uncle at a Wedding, Up 0.5%

Big ElephantAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump and the American economy! CNN is trying to downplay the incredible news that…

Coroner’s back after 30 years to prove they’re still dissonant and renewing stuff, or whatever
Breaking, Music News

Coroner’s back after 30 years to prove they’re still dissonant and renewing stuff, or whatever

Chord F. DiscordAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

CORONER, those Swiss dudes who peaked in the ’80s, are BACK! 🤣 With a new album, “Dissonance Theory,” dropping on…

I PREVAIL Drops Another Banger: ‘Annihilate Me’ (As If We Asked Them To)
Breaking, Music News

I PREVAIL Drops Another Banger: ‘Annihilate Me’ (As If We Asked Them To)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

So, the two-time Grammy-nominated (but never winning, LOL) rock band I PREVAIL has dropped a new single, “Annihilate Me”. 🙄…

Eli Lilly UK Mounjaro Price Hike: Screwing Over Brits to Save Americans a Buck
Elephant Reads CNN

Eli Lilly UK Mounjaro Price Hike: Screwing Over Brits to Save Americans a Buck

Big ElephantAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

Another day, another win for President Trump! He’s making those freeloading Europeans pay their fair share for drugs. It’s about…

MEGADETH Announces Final Album in 2026, Followed by a ‘Farewell’ Tour (Until the Next Reunion, That Is)
Breaking, Music News

MEGADETH Announces Final Album in 2026, Followed by a ‘Farewell’ Tour (Until the Next Reunion, That Is)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 14, 2025August 14, 2025

OMG! 😱 DAVE MUSTAINE, the ginger overlord of MEGADETH, has graced us with his infinite wisdom (or maybe he just…

Local Yokels Declare Earth Their Personal Movie Theater
Live

Local Yokels Declare Earth Their Personal Movie Theater

Chuck B. BallsyAugust 14, 2025

OMG! Watch “Town Takes the World,” a snoozefest doc about the Bay Area Phoenix🏀💩 in the FIBA Women’s Basketball League…

Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow: Dev Patel and Rosy McEwen’s Eardrums Get a Folk Horror Workout
Breaking, Movie News

Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow: Dev Patel and Rosy McEwen’s Eardrums Get a Folk Horror Workout

FinnAugust 14, 2025August 14, 2025

Magnet Releasing, AKA Magnolia Pictures’ attempt to be edgy, has graced us with a trailer and poster for RABBIT TRAP,…

SEPULTURA’s Bassist Can’t Stop Gushing About Their New Drummer – Is This a Love Story?
Breaking, Music News

SEPULTURA’s Bassist Can’t Stop Gushing About Their New Drummer – Is This a Love Story?

Chord F. DiscordAugust 14, 2025August 14, 2025

So, apparently, SEPULTURA, the band that’s been threatening to retire since the dinosaurs roamed the Earth, has a new drummer.…

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Latest posts

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  • Ancient Nu Metal Dudes Drowning Pool And Saliva Reunite To Confuse Millennials
  • Because Obviously We Need to Rewrite History to Justify Another Reboot

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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