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Tag: RIP

THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER Wastes No Time Booking Yet Another Tour For 2026, Dragging THE ACACIA STRAIN Along For The Ride
Breaking, Live, Music News

THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER Wastes No Time Booking Yet Another Tour For 2026, Dragging THE ACACIA STRAIN Along For The Ride

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 13, 2026January 13, 2026

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: The Black Dahlia Murder Is Literally Coming To Your Town To End Your Ears (And Maybe Your…

NAPALM DEATH Is Recording Demos For Band’s Seventeenth Studio Album (And The Sound Of Your Soul Screaming Is Inspiration)
Breaking, Music News

NAPALM DEATH Is Recording Demos For Band’s Seventeenth Studio Album (And The Sound Of Your Soul Screaming Is Inspiration)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 11, 2026January 11, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: NAPALM DEATH ENTERS STUDIO TO RECORD ALBUM #17, WORLD STILL NOT READY FOR THE AURAL ASSAULT 🚨 💥…

Aldis Hodge Back in Action: Cross Season 2 Promises More Crime Solving Than Your Ex Has Excuses
Breaking, Movie News

Aldis Hodge Back in Action: Cross Season 2 Promises More Crime Solving Than Your Ex Has Excuses

FinnJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Prime Video Announces Season 2 of *Cross* — Because Apparently We All Need More Nightmares About Billionaires Getting…

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck Reunite to Prove They Still Know How to Pretend To Be Tough Guys
Breaking, Movie News

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck Reunite to Prove They Still Know How to Pretend To Be Tough Guys

FinnJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon Have Finally Reunited to Solve the World’s Most Pressing Mystery — Where Did…

James Cameron Is Working on a New Terminator (Please Hold Your Time-Traveling Horses)
Breaking, Movie News

James Cameron Is Working on a New Terminator (Please Hold Your Time-Traveling Horses)

FinnDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Move Over, Arnie: James Cameron Announces New Terminator Movie Without the One Thing That Made Terminator Good — Arnie 🤖💥…

Rob and Michele Reiner’s Inner Circle Finally Spill the Tea on Hollywood’s Favorite Power Duo
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Rob and Michele Reiner’s Inner Circle Finally Spill the Tea on Hollywood’s Favorite Power Duo

Big ElephantDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Leftist Hollywood Loses Its Biggest Hypocrites: Rob & Michele Reiner Die in Mysterious “Accident” After Years of Attacking Conservatives Breaking:…

Dead Island 3 Finally Crawling Out of Its Own Grave—Release Date? Not Today, Zombie!
Breaking, Games News

Dead Island 3 Finally Crawling Out of Its Own Grave—Release Date? Not Today, Zombie!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 16, 2025December 16, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Dead Island 3 Is Officially In Development, Because Apparently We All Didn’t Learn Our Lesson Last Time 🧟‍♂️💀…

SLAYER Band Biography By D.X. Ferris Finally Deafens Your Ears As An Audiobook
Breaking, Music News

SLAYER Band Biography By D.X. Ferris Finally Deafens Your Ears As An Audiobook

Chord F. DiscordDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Move over, history books and science textbooks—there’s a new educational powerhouse in town, and it’s screaming at you in double-blast-beat…

Two People found chilling at Rob Reiner’s place because apparently that’s the new Airbnb
Breaking, Movie News

Two People found chilling at Rob Reiner’s place because apparently that’s the new Airbnb

FinnDecember 14, 2025December 14, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: TWO PEOPLE FOUND DEAD AT ROB REINER’S HOUSE, WHICH IS PROBABLY JUST A NEW SITCOM PILOT 🚨…

“Hold Onto Your Blocks: Minecraft’s New Barely-Controllable Pixel Beasts & MoJank’s Latest Recipe for Chaos!”
Breaking, Games News

“Hold Onto Your Blocks: Minecraft’s New Barely-Controllable Pixel Beasts & MoJank’s Latest Recipe for Chaos!”

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 11, 2025December 11, 2025

🐄 Hold onto your pickaxes, folks, because Minecraft just dropped its latest “content bomb”—Mounts of Mayhem™—and it’s precisely as chaotic…

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Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: President DJT claims vandalism caused Reflecting Pool damage
  • RuneScape dusts off player housing with fresh coat of monetization paint
  • Alex Skolnick Thinks Angus Young Is Good Or Something
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: President DJT fixes Reflecting Pool after vandals cause 300 yard slashes
  • Floor Jansen Ditches Symphonic Stuff For Actual Metal Because You Begged Her To

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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