Elon Waiting For Black Friday Half-Off Sale So He Can Buy MSNBC For Just $30
AUSTIN, TX — As rumors continued to swirl of his interest in purchasing the beleaguered cable news channel, reports indicated…
Month: November 2024
‘You’re The Bonnie To My Clyde,’ Says Biden Running Off With Pardoned Turkey
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Participating in the annual tradition one last time before leaving office, President Joe Biden reportedly told a pardoned…
Evil Queen Tries Turning Magic Mirror Off And Turning It On Again After It Says Fairest Of Them All Is Rachel Zegler
ENCHANTED FOREST — Evil Queen Grimhilde resorted to turning her magic mirror off and back on after the mirror claimed…
Santa’s Elves Complain Of Declining Wages As Undocumented Elves Flood North Pole
NORTH POLE — Elves in Santa’s workshop marched out in protest this week to voice their complaints about declining wages…
‘The View’ Ratings Soar After Introducing Ejection Seat For When Hosts Make Inaccurate Statements
NEW YORK, NY — Following what had been a tumultuous election season and notable instances of panel members having to…
It’s Official: Trump Now Has Hottest Cabinet Of All Time
PALM BEACH, FL — Less than one month after the presidential election and still eight weeks away from his inauguration,…
🌌 Free Access to Star Citizen? California Pays YOU to Play… But There’s a Catch! 💸
In a stunning turn of events, Cloud Imperium Games has once again decided to let the entire universe of Star…
Fact-Checking RFK Jr. On Health
Read MoreThe OnionRobert F. Kennedy Jr., Donald Trump’s pick to lead the Department of Health and Human Services, has faced…
God Looks 400 Millennia Younger After Infusing Self With Son’s Blood
Read MoreThe OnionTHE HEAVENS—The color noticeably returning to His white beard as His cheeks began to flush with a youthful…
🥳 The Day Music Was Free: World Celebrates Adele’s Exit From the Stage!
In a dramatic announcement that sent shockwaves through Las Vegas casinos and lukewarm Spotify playlists everywhere, singer Adele declared she…