Insane Conspiracy Theorist Doesn’t Believe In Dragons
RENO, NV — Local conspiracy theorist Joy Behar went on an unhinged rant this morning, professing to a friend that…
Month: November 2024
Local Man Passes Bar Exam After Just One Week Of Watching ‘The View’
KANSAS CITY, MO — Local man Kevin Marlow successfully passed the bar exam today, after preparing by simply watching The…
Musk Announces Plan To Buy MSNBC And Turn It Into A News Network
U.S. — In a dramatic move that could shake up the media industry, Elon Musk has announced his intent to…
After Playing Steve In Minecraft Movie, Jack Black to Play Lara Croft
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Following his portrayal as Steve in the Minecraft movie, Jack Black has announced that he has just…
Scholars Discover Little-Known Bible Verse Authorizing Divorce If Spouse Plays Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving
CAMBRIDGE — Though it was long thought to be prohibited except for reasons of sexual immorality, Bible scholars now say…
America Is Toast: Here Are 9 More A-List Celebs Who Are Leaving
With Hollywood mainstays like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi escaping the hostility of the United States, how can America…
Matt Gaetz Withdraws As Trump’s Attorney General Pick
Read MoreThe OnionFormer Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz announced that he would withdraw his name from consideration to be President-elect Donald…
Joe Rogan Says If Dragons Aren’t Real Then What Was He Riding Through Hyperspace While Smoking Pot With The Machine Elves Last Night?
AUSTIN, TX — Comedian and podcaster Joe Rogan, a professed believer in dragons, pushed back against naysayers by presenting a…
Smuggler Arrested With 300 Tarantulas Strapped To Body
Read MoreThe OnionPolice in Peru arrested a man caught trying to leave the country with 320 tarantulas, 110 centipedes, and…
Court Overturns Jussie Smollett Hoax Conviction Due To Evidence America Actually Is MAGA Country
SPRINGFIELD, IL — The Illinois Supreme Court announced yesterday that it had overturned disgraced actor Jussie Smollett’s conviction on charges…