Company Has Too Many Dans
JACKSON, MS — In a recent company audit, Grayson Manufacturing learned the company has a concerning surplus of employees named…
Month: November 2024
Biden Supplies Ukraine With Anti-Personnel Landmines
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Joe Biden agreed to give Ukraine anti-personnel landmines, a move criticized by humanitarian organizations that’s seen as…
🕹️ Stellar Blade Update 1.009 : Feminist Agenda or Camera Revolution ? You Decide !
Well, folks, it’s happened. The gaming industry has finally hit the point where your camera can be shamed for bad…
Jaguar Releases 3-Hour Commercial That’s Just A Naked Guy Doing A One-Man Performance Of ‘Hamilton’
COVENTRY — Luxury vehicle manufacturer Jaguar Cars stunned the automobile industry by releasing a daring three-hour commercial featuring no car…
Male Passenger Disappointed After Another Flight Ends Without A Stewardess Frantically Asking If Anyone Can Land The Plane
LOS ANGELES, CA — At the end of a transcontinental trip, a male passenger was reportedly disappointed that yet another…
Post-Menopausal Lesbians Flee America Over Concerns About Forced Pregnancies
LONDON — A pair of post-menopausal lesbians announced they had fled the United States over concerns about forced pregnancies. Ellen…
Trump Boys Get Weird Feeling After Uncle Elon Shows Them Busty Anime Cat Girl
Read MoreThe OnionPALM BEACH, FL—Blushing, short of breath, and unable to look away from the image, the Trump boys told…
Every Movement In Man’s Burrito-Eating Technique Informed By Past Burrito Tragedies
Read MoreThe OnionGLENDALE, CA—Rotating the tortilla-wrapped meal to consume the Mexican food in even levels, eyewitnesses reported Thursday that every…
Joe Biden Given Human Food As Birthday Treat
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—After bending the rules with a celebratory serving in honor of his special day, White House officials confirmed…
NASA: Potential Link Between Extraterrestrials, Giant Metal Claw Picking Up Earth
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Urging the public to remain skeptical until the object could be studied further, NASA officials confirmed during a…