CHICAGO—Hoping to lock down childcare so they could get out of the house for a fun date night this week, area parents Mitchell and Jessica Ashe reportedly asked their freshly ICE-detained nanny, Maria Gutiérrez, if she’d still be free to watch their kids on Friday. “Hey, Maria! We know you have a lot on your plate right now, but let us know if you’re able to help us out tomorrow, por favor!” Jessica Ashe said Thursday, holding up her weekly planner as ICE agents handcuffed Gutiérrez and roughly tossed her into a vehicle bound for an overcrowded immigration detention center. “We’re hoping to go see a play, so it’d be a huge help to have somebody around to watch Tyler and Mckenna. Plus, they love your rice and beans! Obviously, no pressure if you want to stay detained longer or need to rest because of your pregnancy, but if there’s any way you’d be able to ask one of the agents to let you out just for one night, that’d be so amazing. I’m sure they’ll understand when you explain that the situation is an emergency! You’re the best, M.” At press time, Ashe was claiming that she was really swamped right now as she politely declined Gutiérrez’s request to help connect her with a lawyer.
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CHICAGO—Hoping to lock down childcare so they could get out of the house for a fun date night this week, area parents Mitchell and Jessica Ashe reportedly asked their freshly ICE-detained nanny, Maria Gutiérrez, if she’d still be free to watch their kids on Friday. “Hey, Maria! We know you have a lot on your
The post Parents Ask Detained Nanny If She’s Still Free To Watch Kids Friday appeared first on The Onion. The OnionRead More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
