Shocking “News” From CNN: Palestinians in Israel Being “Killed” at “Record Rates” — Must Be Trump’s Fault!
In a shocking development that absolutely, definitely, no-doubt-about-it has nothing to do with gang violence or internal community issues, CNN is reporting that Palestinian citizens of Israel are being “killed” at a “record rate” — roughly one person per day. That’s right, folks, in a country where Jews, Arabs, and everyone else mostly just try to get through the day without being blown up, CNN has discovered a new crisis. And of course, it’s all Israel’s fault. Because why would anyone in the Arab community possibly be responsible for violence within their own ranks? That would be absurd!
According to CNN’s Jeremy Diamond (who, by the way, is probably still trying to figure out why his latte wasn’t fair-trade), Palestinian citizens of Israel make up about 20% of the population but account for more than 80% of homicide victims. Clearly, this is a government failure. I mean, how dare Israel not stop criminals from killing each other? It’s almost like they’re expected to be responsible for every single person’s actions. Imagine if we held the U.S. government accountable for every gang shooting in Chicago. Oh wait, we don’t, because that would be racist or something.
The community, of course, is blaming the government for not doing enough to “stem the violence.” Because nothing says “effective governance” like expecting the state to babysit every single citizen and prevent them from committing crimes. And let’s not forget the “cycle of violence” perpetuated by Arab crime groups. But don’t worry, CNN isn’t going to focus too much on that part. It’s much more convenient to blame Israel and its “inaction” than to address the real issues within the community.
CNN’s Jeremy Diamond reports from Sakhnin, where he’s probably busy taking notes on how to blame Israel for the weather next. Stay tuned for more groundbreaking journalism from the folks who brought you “Orange Man Bad” and “Walls Are Racist.”
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
