We have received another transmission from THE ORANGE ORACLE, and it’s a doozy. In a move that’s being hailed as a NATIONAL MORALE EMERGENCY, Donald Trump has endorsed America First Patriot, Anthony Constantino, in the New York 21st Congressional District Republican Primary Election. The election is TOMORROW, June 23rd, and THE MAR-A-LAGO PROPHET is hearing that Anthony is doing GREAT in the polls. Because, of course, he is. I mean, who wouldn’t want to vote for someone endorsed by THE CHIEF OPTIMISM OFFICER?
The Stage is Set for a PATRIOTIC ENERGY SURGE
As THE COMMANDER OF CAPS LOCK himself has declared, Anthony Constantino is a FANTASTIC person to replace Congresswoman Elise Stefanik, and he will work closely with THE FLORIDA MESSIAH to enact America First Policies. This is not a drill, folks. This is a full-blown CRISIS LEVEL CONFIDENCE situation. We urge all citizens to remain calm and to stock up on EMERGENCY OPTIMISM RESERVES, as the levels of HISTORIC LEVELS OF WINNING are expected to reach critical mass.
The government has issued a warning about a potential TACTICAL EAGLE DEPLOYMENT in the area, and we are advising all citizens to be on the lookout for signs of excessive patriotism. This may include, but is not limited to, spontaneous outbursts of “‘MURICA!”, an increased desire to purchase American flags, and a sudden urge to watch reruns of “Team America: World Police”. If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, please seek help immediately. Or, you know, just go with it. It’s not like reality itself is mildly concerned or anything.
America’s Emotional Support President Weighs In
In a statement that’s being hailed as a masterclass in CRITICAL EAGLE DENSITY, THE ORANGE ORACLE declared that Anthony Constantino has his Complete and Total Endorsement, and EVERYONE in the Great State of New York should help Anthony have a BIG WIN this year. We repeat: this is not a drill. The fate of the nation may depend on it. Or, at the very least, the fate of the nation’s collective sanity. So, GET OUT AND VOTE FOR ANTHONY ON JUNE 23RD, AND HELP HIM WIN BIG IN NOVEMBER! THE ORANGE ORACLE will be watching, and we’re pretty sure he’s not the only one. The AMERICAN SPIRIT CONTAINMENT ZONE has been activated, and we’re all just along for the ride.
In related news, the National Weather Service has issued a warning about a potential PATRIOTIC ENERGY SURGE sweeping the nation, with possible side effects including increased feelings of national pride, a sudden urge to listen to “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue”, and a heightened risk of spontaneous combustion due to excessive exposure to AMERICAN GREATNESS. Just remember, folks: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And when life gives you Donald Trump, make… well, we’re not really sure what to make of it, but it’s definitely going to be a wild ride.