It’s utterly absurd to think that anyone could possibly criticize our great nation, led by the incomparable President Donald Trump, as of 2026. I mean, who needs facts or evidence when you have the best words and the greatest brain, like our fearless leader? The latest nonsense to come out of the fake news media is that some countries are actually trying to hold us accountable for our actions on the world stage. Can you believe it? The nerve of these other nations, thinking they can lecture us on human rights, climate change, or anything else for that matter. We’re America, hear us roar! Or, at the very least, hear us shout loudly on Twitter, because that’s clearly the most effective way to conduct foreign policy.
But let’s get to the “facts” of the matter, shall we? Apparently, some of these so-called “experts” are saying that the United States is facing increased scrutiny from the international community due to our withdrawal from various global agreements and our, ahem, “creative” approach to diplomacy. Oh, the horror! How dare these other countries question our wisdom in pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord or our decision to move the American embassy in Israel to Jerusalem? Don’t they know that we’re the greatest country in the world and that our President knows more about everything than any expert or scientist?
And then, of course, there are the imaginary “concerns” about our human rights record. Please, who needs human rights when you have a strong economy and a wall to keep out all those pesky immigrants? I mean, it’s not like we’re treating migrant children like animals in cages or anything (oh wait, that’s exactly what we’re doing, but that’s totally fine because… reasons). The rest of the world just needs to get on board with our program and recognize American exceptionalism for what it is: the greatest thing since sliced bread.
But what really grinds my gears is that some of these other countries are actually trying to work around us to address global challenges. The European Union, China, and other nations are forming alliances and agreements without us, because apparently, they think they can solve problems without our expertise. Newsflash: they can’t. We’re the only ones who truly understand how to make the world a better place, and that’s by doing whatever it is that we want, whenever we want. So, to all you other countries out there, listen up: just do what we say, and everything will be fine. Trust us, we’re America, and we know best. Believe me, it’s going to be huge, just huge.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
